Stopped in My Tracks

We have been waiting for so long and now, the waiting seems to be coming to an end...not without a little more waiting, though!

We have been waiting for the call on a job that Jeff would really like to get hired for.  He went to interview down in Florida early this week and as he left, they said they'd be in touch late in the week or early next week at the latest.

For the past two days, I have been on the edge of my seat....waiting....hoping....praying for the call, wondering just when it would happen!  I actually got myself all worked up about it.  I am not an anxious person by nature but I feel like I'm livin' on the edge of my seat here!  In fact, one of my Facebook status' this week read:  "I feel like I'm waiting for labor to start.  It could happen at any time!  Impatiently excited."

That statement pretty much sums up how I've been feeling all week.  If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about.  You wait and wait until that 9th month, you wait for the due date, and then....it passes by.  And you think, "Gosh, I could go at any time!"  But you don't know when.  You just have to wait.  No control over it, no certainty for plans, and somehow, you end up with every expectation and no expectations all at the same time.  (I really hope you can agree with me here and that I'm not the only one who has felt like this!)

As we (I) continued to wait, I felt doubt sneaking in.  Jeff has been so positive, so certain that he will get this job.  He truly feels that this is where the Lord wants him and he's going with it!  His certainty is contagious, and yes, I would love to have my husband working for this type of company so I do want to believe he'll get chosen.  But those nagging doubts started to fill my head over the past few days, telling me that this might be a cruel joke of some sort.

Can I tell you how thankful I am for a personal God who shook me in my flip-flops tonight and whispered right to my heart?  He said,

"Kelly, I want the very best for you and Jeff.  There is goodness in the waiting.  I already know what the outcome is, and I'm already there.  I've made a path for Jeff and it's a good one, no matter which job he will be in.  I am there.  Remember?"

And I stood there--in disbelief--that I would ever even begin to doubt, ever even remotely wonder that God's plan might not be the best for us!  How could I so easily be shaken by those minuscule doubts when I stand on the ROCK, when I am a child of the I AM?

My heart whispered back.

"Oh.  Yes.  I do remember.  You are God who loves me, who wants my family to prosper and not to be harmed.  You plan good things for us, You have brought us down this road not for torture or to be teased but to be pruned, to be sharpened.  You are with me and You go before me.  You are my Hope.  I remember now.  Thank You."

So thankful, so very thankful tonight for a gentle, kindhearted Father who speaks to me even when I don't think He's listening.

Renewed

The thing I like most about knowing God is knowing that He is not far from me.  On any given day, in any given condition that I find myself in, He is there.  Nothing is a surprise to Him!  And though it may look like there isn't anything going on, the reality is that something is always going on.  There is so much more going on than meets the eye.


Take Spring, for example.  We all love it when the weather warms up, the birds start to sing, the trees start to bud.  But, a few weeks or months before these events take place, the earth is a dark, cold, seemingly barren land.  Frigid white snow covers the ground, drowning out any life below that might be brave enough to emerge too soon.  The trees are naked, stripped down to the branch, not a sign of life on them.  Usually, the sound of ice crunching under foot is the only sound of nature that can be heard.


At first glance, one would think that all is gone.  It's over! Nothing is happening whatsoever.


But wait.  
The snow melts, revealing tiny blades of grass that get greener by the day.  Trees start to welcome birds who've flown home from milder climates.  They sing happily and delight us with their springtime melodies while tiny buds appear and will soon turn into fragrant, colorful blooms, and then wonderfully shading leaves.  Flowers start to push up through the ground, looking for warmth, for light from the sun, which stays around a little longer each day.  


Life!  


This beauty was there all along, even when we couldn't see it.  When it was hidden with the cold, when the darkness threatened to dim the last flicker of light remaining, new life sprung forth.


I liken this analogy to our current situation.  Nothing has changed since my last post.  Jeff still does not have a job; we continue to wait and trust.  And hope.  


On the days where I felt that nothing was happening, things weren't ever going to change, and life as I knew it was being snuffed out of me, there was still that last flicker of hope.


Hope of what may come--What may be just around the corner.  
Hope that I am not alone.  
Hope that there is something going on, even if I can't see it.
Hope that beauty will come with our Spring.