The weight of the world was on my shoulders. Or so it felt. There was nothing that anyone could say or do, short of prayer, that could help make me feel better. It was just one of those days.
You know what I'm talking about.
Those days...those days where you can't see beyond right where you are at that moment. No light for the next step, no encouraging moment or word that helps to lessen the load. Nothing seemed to break me from the dreariness that wanted to overwhelm my soul. I was nearing the bottom of the pit.
I snuck down to the basement with the phone in my hand so that I could be alone. I was crying even before she said, "Hello?"
There is just something about a girlfriend who knows what you need even before you do, whether to be silent or speak, what to say or not to say, how to love on you even from 300 miles away. There is comfort in a companion like this.
I poured my soul out on her, and she didn't miss a beat. Comfort. I bared it all, beauty and ugly, all of it. No judging, no questions asked. Comfort. She prayed. Comfort.
As the night wore on and my spirits lifted a bit, I found the most comfort in this truth:
There is no pit so deep, that God is not deeper still.
He knows when we'll reach the end of our rope. And yet, He's already there!
He knows our needs. He's already got them covered.
He knows my fears. He speaks Truth to me despite them.
He knows Jeff's frustrations. He meets him and helps him.
He knows our hearts, better than we know ourselves.
God knew that Jeff would become unemployed. It doesn't worry Him. He's already got great plans for our next step. And even when I don't know what those plans look like, or when they'll come to fruition, I know that He is with me.
What comfort I find in that. In Him.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
I am so excited to be writing again! It would seem that my best intentions fall to the wayside when it comes to my little corner of the Internet world. It's not that I don't want to write, on the contrary I do very much want to write!
But I haven't made the time.
I know, I know. I've said it before. However, I am really going to try to be intentional about this blog of mine. I love it so. And I love my readers (if you're still reading). I love your comments, I love your own blogs, I love love love the blog world and I want to be a part of it!
Writing is so very good for my soul and along with doing more of it this year, I'm praying about how God would use this gift he's given me for His purposes. I'm excited about the things I feel He may be placing on my heart!
I'm also excited about some other things that I'm tackling this year. Here's a very concise list:
1) Weight. Finally.
2) A consistent morning Quiet Time. Finally.
3) Regular prayer journaling.
4) Encouraging my husband more with my words.
6) Being more of a 'floor mom' with my kids.
7) Making time to write.
8) Doing things as they come, instead of letting them pile up. (An example might putting pictures in my frames...)
9) Meal Planning. Finally.
I'm sure I am forgetting a few things, but as you can see, many of my goals for 2010 (and the rest of my life) deal with self-control. Unfortunately, I lack much of it!
When I tell my son that he needs self-control, I realize that he isn't the only one. When he is quick to point the finger at someone else or when he can't reign in his emotions, I see myself.
When I look to food to fill me up, I see my need for it. When I look in the mirror, I see what lack of self-control has done. When I try to fill my self with things (literally or figuratively) to make me happy, I fail, and again I am faced with my desperate need for this important character quality.
I notice my lack of it when my words are quick with my husband. Before the last word hits my lips, I wince; it's too late. The pain sears my heart as I understand how much words can build or break a person and if only I had controlled my self and my tongue....
At the end of the day, it's not my lack of self-control that I notice most. I think we can all agree that we have to work on this, it's not a given. But what I do notice most as my head hits the pillow and I think over the days' ups and downs is my dire need of a Savior. I'm thankful that I can rely on Him to help me with these changes. They are big ones, ones that I want to make for a lifetime, ones that I want to instill in my children.
Well, there's my list with a little dose of honesty on the side. Here's to 2010! May it be one that teaches us all a bit more about our "selfs". :)