Friday, May 21, 2010

Stopped in My Tracks

We have been waiting for so long and now, the waiting seems to be coming to an end...not without a little more waiting, though!

We have been waiting for the call on a job that Jeff would really like to get hired for.  He went to interview down in Florida early this week and as he left, they said they'd be in touch late in the week or early next week at the latest.

For the past two days, I have been on the edge of my seat....waiting....hoping....praying for the call, wondering just when it would happen!  I actually got myself all worked up about it.  I am not an anxious person by nature but I feel like I'm livin' on the edge of my seat here!  In fact, one of my Facebook status' this week read:  "I feel like I'm waiting for labor to start.  It could happen at any time!  Impatiently excited."

That statement pretty much sums up how I've been feeling all week.  If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about.  You wait and wait until that 9th month, you wait for the due date, and passes by.  And you think, "Gosh, I could go at any time!"  But you don't know when.  You just have to wait.  No control over it, no certainty for plans, and somehow, you end up with every expectation and no expectations all at the same time.  (I really hope you can agree with me here and that I'm not the only one who has felt like this!)

As we (I) continued to wait, I felt doubt sneaking in.  Jeff has been so positive, so certain that he will get this job.  He truly feels that this is where the Lord wants him and he's going with it!  His certainty is contagious, and yes, I would love to have my husband working for this type of company so I do want to believe he'll get chosen.  But those nagging doubts started to fill my head over the past few days, telling me that this might be a cruel joke of some sort.

Can I tell you how thankful I am for a personal God who shook me in my flip-flops tonight and whispered right to my heart?  He said,

"Kelly, I want the very best for you and Jeff.  There is goodness in the waiting.  I already know what the outcome is, and I'm already there.  I've made a path for Jeff and it's a good one, no matter which job he will be in.  I am there.  Remember?"

And I stood there--in disbelief--that I would ever even begin to doubt, ever even remotely wonder that God's plan might not be the best for us!  How could I so easily be shaken by those minuscule doubts when I stand on the ROCK, when I am a child of the I AM?

My heart whispered back.

"Oh.  Yes.  I do remember.  You are God who loves me, who wants my family to prosper and not to be harmed.  You plan good things for us, You have brought us down this road not for torture or to be teased but to be pruned, to be sharpened.  You are with me and You go before me.  You are my Hope.  I remember now.  Thank You."

So thankful, so very thankful tonight for a gentle, kindhearted Father who speaks to me even when I don't think He's listening.