Sunday, August 24, 2008

Coming Out

August is here and I feel like summer still has yet to come! Not for lack of sun here in Buffalo, but just because I feel like I'm starting to come out from under my rock.

When you have a baby, there is this thing called "transition". Well, for some reason, I figured this transition wouldn't be quite as difficult because we were in a familiar zone. We already did this baby thing, how hard could it be to do it again?


Having John wasn't hard, but I didn't transition seamlessly like I thought I would. And why, you ask, did I think I'd go seamlessly into Motherhood x2? Not sure, really. Teaching, varied professional nanny jobs, having 10--count 'em, 10--nieces and nephews before I was pregnant with my first child all were pretty good reasons of why I thought I could do this with more than one child with my eyes closed.

I wasn't arrogant, but I think I was just sure of myself in my mothering capabilities. Well, there is nothing like having one child crying because he wants you to hold him and the other child crying because he wants you to let go of him, all at the same time, to make you think twice about your limits.

There have been times where I've sat on the floor holding the one son while playing with the other. I've sat on the floor nursing one son while eating fishies with the other. And, I'm happy to report that there have been times where I sat on the floor holding a crying baby while corraling the other baby who is crying, all while having a good little cry myself.

I'm happy to report that fact because it means that I am normal. Ahh...having bad days where there is spit up on your shirt and on the floor that you just mopped is normal. Crying babies (plural) is normal. Messy houses, pb&j dinners, staying in your pj's all day long until you get the chance to shower at 10pm, your husband handing you the breast pad you've been frantically searching for, this is all normal.

Having kids grows you. It stretches you. It refines you. It tears apart every notion and belief you thought you were sure of, so that you either stand firm in that belief because now you are sure of it beyond the shadow of a doubt, or you rid yourself of it because it just doesn't make sense anymore.

Having kids gives you moments where you realize that the earth will still spin if you do not have it all together. Because in those moments, you realize that your husband still thinks you are beautiful even though the spit up is still on your shirt, your precious children think you are Super Woman because you make the best pb&j's around, and your pj's are kinda sexy even if you do wear them all day long. I am having alot of those moments lately. And I'm loving the freedom I find in them.

Whether you are under a rock, under a pile of laundry, or under the weight of the pressure you put upon yourself for being x, y or z, get out! I am.


Gene and Annie said...

I just wrote you that email asking about your transition and then I came to your blog and read this post! You are totally normal!!! Adjusting to the first was hard for me because of nursing but adjusting to the second was hard in different ways similar to the things you mentioned. It just seems to take a little while to get to the new normal! I think every new child brings new things and adjustments.... some are easier then others! I am glad things are getting better! Your boys are super cute!

Stefanie said...

Love this post -- I'll be referring back to it in a couple of months to reassure myself that I am 'normal' after having #2 and trying to balance it all. Thanks for being so open!