The Knapp Family

This Broadcast Has Been Interrupted....

2010-09-01T13:59:00.000-04:00

...please stay tuned!

We've been working on some changes over here at KnappKnotes.

I am very excited!

Stopped in My Tracks

2010-05-21T23:32:00.000-04:00

We have been waiting for so long and now, the waiting seems to be coming to an end...not without a little more waiting, though!

We have been waiting for the call on a job that Jeff would really like to get hired for. He went to interview down in Florida early this week and as he left, they said they'd be in touch late in the week or early next week at the latest.

For the past two days, I have been on the edge of my seat....waiting....hoping....praying for the call, wondering just when it would happen! I actually got myself all worked up about it. I am not an anxious person by nature but I feel like I'm livin' on the edge of my seat here! In fact, one of my Facebook status' this week read: "I feel like I'm waiting for labor to start. It could happen at any time! Impatiently excited."

That statement pretty much sums up how I've been feeling all week. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. You wait and wait until that 9th month, you wait for the due date, and then....it passes by. And you think, "Gosh, I could go at any time!" But you don't know when. You just have to wait. No control over it, no certainty for plans, and somehow, you end up with every expectation and no expectations all at the same time. (I really hope you can agree with me here and that I'm not the only one who has felt like this!)

As we (I) continued to wait, I felt doubt sneaking in. Jeff has been so positive, so certain that he will get this job. He truly feels that this is where the Lord wants him and he's going with it! His certainty is contagious, and yes, I would love to have my husband working for this type of company so I do want to believe he'll get chosen. But those nagging doubts started to fill my head over the past few days, telling me that this might be a cruel joke of some sort.

Can I tell you how thankful I am for a personal God who shook me in my flip-flops tonight and whispered right to my heart? He said,

"Kelly, I want the very best for you and Jeff. There is goodness in the waiting. I already know what the outcome is, and I'm already there. I've made a path for Jeff and it's a good one, no matter which job he will be in. I am there. Remember?"

And I stood there--in disbelief--that I would ever even begin to doubt, ever even remotely wonder that God's plan might not be the best for us! How could I so easily be shaken by those minuscule doubts when I stand on the ROCK, when I am a child of the I AM?

My heart whispered back.

"Oh. Yes. I do remember. You are God who loves me, who wants my family to prosper and not to be harmed. You plan good things for us, You have brought us down this road not for torture or to be teased but to be pruned, to be sharpened. You are with me and You go before me. You are my Hope. I remember now. Thank You."

So thankful, so very thankful tonight for a gentle, kindhearted Father who speaks to me even when I don't think He's listening.

Renewed

2010-04-20T00:06:00.003-04:00

The thing I like most about knowing God is knowing that He is not far from me. On any given day, in any given condition that I find myself in, He is there. Nothing is a surprise to Him! And though it may look like there isn't anything going on, the reality is that something is always going on. There is so much more going on than meets the eye.

Take Spring, for example. We all love it when the weather warms up, the birds start to sing, the trees start to bud. But, a few weeks or months before these events take place, the earth is a dark, cold, seemingly barren land. Frigid white snow covers the ground, drowning out any life below that might be brave enough to emerge too soon. The trees are naked, stripped down to the branch, not a sign of life on them. Usually, the sound of ice crunching under foot is the only sound of nature that can be heard.

At first glance, one would think that all is gone. It's over! Nothing is happening whatsoever.

But wait.
The snow melts, revealing tiny blades of grass that get greener by the day. Trees start to welcome birds who've flown home from milder climates. They sing happily and delight us with their springtime melodies while tiny buds appear and will soon turn into fragrant, colorful blooms, and then wonderfully shading leaves. Flowers start to push up through the ground, looking for warmth, for light from the sun, which stays around a little longer each day.

Life!

This beauty was there all along, even when we couldn't see it. When it was hidden with the cold, when the darkness threatened to dim the last flicker of light remaining, new life sprung forth.

I liken this analogy to our current situation. Nothing has changed since my last post. Jeff still does not have a job; we continue to wait and trust. And hope.

On the days where I felt that nothing was happening, things weren't ever going to change, and life as I knew it was being snuffed out of me, there was still that last flicker of hope.

Hope of what may come--What may be just around the corner.
Hope that I am not alone.
Hope that there is something going on, even if I can't see it.
Hope that beauty will come with our Spring.

Getting Weary.

2010-03-12T15:06:00.001-05:00

If you know our family, you know that my husband lost his job last year. The scaling down of employees at his company came as a shock to us and though he didn't exactly love his job, it did provide an income.

After the realization that he was now unemployed sank in and we were able to regroup, we started to pray for direction and guidance in this new situation that we found ourselves in. Our immediate prayer was that God would bless Jeff with a job that would be a perfect fit for him. We didn't necessarily pray that it would be soon, but that it would be God ordained. He knew that we would move back to WNY only to face downsizing once again, and He knew what would follow. His Word says "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28) and we trusted that He had our best interests in mind. Over and over, I would repeat this verse in my head, reminding myself that though this is hard, good will come out of it.

Month after month, Jeff and I would wonder about the immediate future. Would we have enough money to meet our monthly bills, to feed our children, to get through the winter? We also wondered if maybe that perfect fit job would come and we wouldn't have to worry about those things for very long.

With each interview that my husband eagerly went on, our hope grew and we found ourselves thinking that maybe "this was it". We were mildly hopeful several times but inevitably, the company would choose someone who had several years' more experience.

It has now been 7.5 months and Jeff is still without a job, but not for lack of trying. I am so proud of him and how he has handled this challenge as the provider of our family. It's not easy for a man to be home all of the time. And it's not easy for his wife, either.

I have supported and encouraged in the best ways I know how. I've spent time praying, speaking words of truth and encouragement to my husband and finding comfort in God's Word. I have sent email after email, updating so that people will know how to pray for us. I have been patient.

And now, I am weary.

Lord, I trust You are with me, even when I can't feel it. I trust Your plan is good, even when I don't know it. Thank You that you are at the end of my rope. My hope is in You. Amen.

Juggling

2010-03-04T22:43:00.005-05:00

I've got a bunch of blog posts swimming in my head, but not enough hours in the day to capture them all. These two precious little boys God has entrusted to my care are keeping me busy and on my toes. My littlest one is still my sweet, patient boy, but shows his temper when I try to curb his exploring. In this week alone, I've pulled him off of the table or chairs more times than I can count, removed remnants of already chewed (and swallowed?) crayons from his mouth and discovered that he likes to pump the soap dispenser while walking around the house with it. His big brother is such an energetic one, always on the go and wanting to learn. He's got the creative genes for sure. Yesterday he decided that food coloring was a good idea. When he's not dying his skin, he's having fun pestering his brother and sets me on edge some days.

I daily count the thousands of gifts I'm surrounded by and have been spending lots of time contemplating how God's been working in my (our) life. There is so much goodness, so much to be thankful for.

A Fabulous Giveaway That I Just Had to Enter (and therefore tell you about)

2010-02-19T14:43:00.000-05:00

I think it's about time I win something, don't you?

I keep entering various giveaways in hopes to win something from Lisa Lenoard, so maybe this is it.

I've had my heart set on this for a while. And this. But lookie here! Isn't that super sweet! And here's a new favorite. Love it.

If you are like me and would love to win something pretty and sweet, then head on over and enter yourself!

Here's to me! And maybe you, too! :)

WFMW--Homemade Baby Food

2010-02-10T08:12:00.001-05:00

It's that time of the week!

My Works For Me Wednesday helpful tip is all about making homemade baby food.

Mmm, the good stuff.

You know the kind:
-no dyes!
-no fillers!
-no chemicals!
-no preservatives!
-no artificial ingredients!

Just honest to goodness pure, nutritional food for your little one!

This stuff is a cinch to make, and once s/he gets a taste of it, your baby will thank you!

Here we go:

1. Buy food of choice.
Aside from mashing up banana, avocado and kiwi, I've pureed pears, peaches, apples (sauce), beans, peas, squash, pumpkin, spinach, chicken and pork. I prefer to use fresh food, but if you buy canned fruit, be sure to select the healthiest choice of fruit in juice, not sugary syrups.

The largest bowl for my food processor is a 16 cup capacity, so I used two 28 ounce cans of pears. It was mid-winter when I made this batch, so I opted for canned instead of fresh.

2. Put food in processor and add water if needed.
If I have to cook the food before processing (most veggies, meat), then I reserve water from the cooking process and use that so that I can utilize the nutrients that end up in the water. In this case, the pears came with their own juice and so no water was needed.

3. Puree!
Depending on the type of food you are pureeing, you may need to do it in small batches or stop and stir it halfway through.

4. Spoon out food into ice cube trays to be frozen.
I don't care how cute and fancy the baby-gadget-makers make food storage. I'm not falling prey to their marketing schemes when I can buy an ice cube tray for $1.50 at the store and use it well after my kids have outgrown eating homemade baby food!

5. Freeze.
Be sure ahead of time that you have a flat, clean space in your freezer to store these trays until they are completely frozen.

6. Store.
I prefer large ziploc type bags, so that I can fit it into the freezer wherever I have room, however I need to! I like to label things, and the bag serves that purpose, too. I recommend labeling the food both for what it is and when you made it.

7. Take Pride!
Buying jarred food isn't necessarily bad for our babies, but there is a sense of pride and accomplishment when we can prepare flavorful, nutritious foods for our children, knowing that the only thing in it is what it was intended to be, along with some homemade love.

Disclaimer:
This is something that I enjoyed doing for both of my boys. It wasn't a chore for me, but I realize it may be for some. Please do not feel like a "bad mom" if you don't want to or cannot make your own baby food. If done with joy, it can bring great pleasure and satisfaction. If done with dread, it's not worth it. There are many ways we all can be the moms we want to be, and if this isn't one of them, don't sweat it!

For more Works For Me Wednesday tips, visit wearethatfamily.com!

Today.

2010-02-04T23:06:00.000-05:00

Today I woke up feeling pretty good, despite the terrible cold we've all been fighting for a few days now. The sun was brightly shining-which is a rare occurrence in this part of the country during winter, and we all got a good night's rest. Don't you feel so good when you wake up feeling rested? I do.

Though I woke late and we had to ~~shove breakfast down the boys' throats~~ rush the boys morning routine, I was excited for a few things.

Today Jak was heading to school (he missed it on Tuesday), I was heading to my beloved bible study with dear friends, Jeff had an interview and I was picking up a rug that I got for a steal of a deal on Craigslist. I know, I know, you're thinking "why is she spending money when her husband is unemployed?" It's ok, it was some extra money that I earned, no, make that John earned, when he toy tested for Fisher-Price. Should I have saved it? Probably. But YOU go for months and months and months on a bare bones budget and tell me you're going to save that extra few bucks that you weren't counting on! Go ahead, try it! I bet you'll find something that you just have to have. :)

Ok, so I was feeling pretty good. The sunshine does wonderful things to my spirits. Driving down the road, my thoughts were consumed with how good life is.

Then I got to my bible study.

There, we were informed that one of our friends' sons was taken to the hospital for respiratory problems the day before. He is 15 months old. As we listened and talked about what she might be experiencing as a Mom, watching her little guy lay on the bed, sedated with a ventilator down his throat, my heart sank.

The doctors didn't know anything. Not what it was, how he got it, how long it'll be around, what will happen next. She has no time frame as to when he'll get better. She can't touch him because he responds to her and fights the sedation. How, tell me how, can a mother not touch the very son she gave life to as he lays before her? I cringe every time I think of that. I just cannot imagine...

We ended up skipping our study and focused on prayer for our friend, and figuring out how to help and serve her and her family during this time. They have 2 other little boys older than Michael that happened to get the stomach flu later that day. This was truly a family in need of God's healing touch.

When I gathered my boys from preschool (Jak) and playtime (John), we came home and settled in for lunch and naps. My thoughts haven't strayed far from Aimee and her family. My prayers are just a part of many that go before our Father on their behalf, the Healer extraordinaire. We trust that He knows what's going on, and will heal little Michael's body.

Today, I held my boys a little tighter. I held them a little longer. I gave thanks to God for their health, rather than taking it for granted. I kissed them more, I played with them more. I was reminded of the precious gift that life is, in every. single. moment.

Today. It's a gift.

Another Giveaway!

2010-02-02T17:08:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting one of these for a very long time! Here's to hoping I win!!!!!!!!

There is Comfort in the Pit

2010-01-25T23:53:00.001-05:00

The weight of the world was on my shoulders. Or so it felt. There was nothing that anyone could say or do, short of prayer, that could help make me feel better. It was just one of those days.

You know what I'm talking about.

Those days...those days where you can't see beyond right where you are at that moment. No light for the next step, no encouraging moment or word that helps to lessen the load. Nothing seemed to break me from the dreariness that wanted to overwhelm my soul. I was nearing the bottom of the pit.

I snuck down to the basement with the phone in my hand so that I could be alone. I was crying even before she said, "Hello?"

There is just something about a girlfriend who knows what you need even before you do, whether to be silent or speak, what to say or not to say, how to love on you even from 300 miles away. There is comfort in a companion like this.

I poured my soul out on her, and she didn't miss a beat. Comfort. I bared it all, beauty and ugly, all of it. No judging, no questions asked. Comfort. She prayed. Comfort.

As the night wore on and my spirits lifted a bit, I found the most comfort in this truth:

There is no pit so deep, that God is not deeper still.

He knows when we'll reach the end of our rope. And yet, He's already there!
He knows our needs. He's already got them covered.
He knows my fears. He speaks Truth to me despite them.
He knows Jeff's frustrations. He meets him and helps him.
He knows our hearts, better than we know ourselves.

God knew that Jeff would become unemployed. It doesn't worry Him. He's already got great plans for our next step. And even when I don't know what those plans look like, or when they'll come to fruition, I know that He is with me.

What comfort I find in that. In Him.

Wanna flirt?

2010-01-25T22:13:00.000-05:00

With your husband, of course!

Here is a giveaway that I'm linking up to so check it out, add your comments to Sarah Mae's page, and perhaps you'll be a winner!

:)

Twenty Ten

2010-01-18T07:20:00.000-05:00

Hello!

I am so excited to be writing again! It would seem that my best intentions fall to the wayside when it comes to my little corner of the Internet world. It's not that I don't want to write, on the contrary I do very much want to write!

But I haven't made the time.

Until now.

I know, I know. I've said it before. However, I am really going to try to be intentional about this blog of mine. I love it so. And I love my readers (if you're still reading). I love your comments, I love your own blogs, I love love love the blog world and I want to be a part of it!

Writing is so very good for my soul and along with doing more of it this year, I'm praying about how God would use this gift he's given me for His purposes. I'm excited about the things I feel He may be placing on my heart!

I'm also excited about some other things that I'm tackling this year. Here's a very concise list:

1) Weight. Finally.

2) A consistent morning Quiet Time. Finally.

3) Regular prayer journaling.

4) Encouraging my husband more with my words.

6) Being more of a 'floor mom' with my kids.

7) Making time to write.

8) Doing things as they come, instead of letting them pile up. (An example might putting pictures in my frames...)

9) Meal Planning. Finally.

I'm sure I am forgetting a few things, but as you can see, many of my goals for 2010 (and the rest of my life) deal with self-control. Unfortunately, I lack much of it!

When I tell my son that he needs self-control, I realize that he isn't the only one. When he is quick to point the finger at someone else or when he can't reign in his emotions, I see myself.

When I look to food to fill me up, I see my need for it. When I look in the mirror, I see what lack of self-control has done. When I try to fill my self with things (literally or figuratively) to make me happy, I fail, and again I am faced with my desperate need for this important character quality.

I notice my lack of it when my words are quick with my husband. Before the last word hits my lips, I wince; it's too late. The pain sears my heart as I understand how much words can build or break a person and if only I had controlled my self and my tongue....

At the end of the day, it's not my lack of self-control that I notice most. I think we can all agree that we have to work on this, it's not a given. But what I do notice most as my head hits the pillow and I think over the days' ups and downs is my dire need of a Savior. I'm thankful that I can rely on Him to help me with these changes. They are big ones, ones that I want to make for a lifetime, ones that I want to instill in my children.

Well, there's my list with a little dose of honesty on the side. Here's to 2010! May it be one that teaches us all a bit more about our "selfs". :)

Good Grief, Silent Night

2009-12-11T20:27:00.005-05:00

-originally published on December 9, 2005

Last night was gorgeous. The snow started falling at about 9 and as the minutes went on, the flakes got bigger and it started to fall faster. We finished watching the Apprentice and Jeff went up to bed; I was a few mintues behind him, just tidying up the house so that it's done in the morning when I wake up. (I love getting up to a clean house!) I saw the spotlight on outside and when I went to turn it off, I noticed the snow. The light illuminated the snow in this picture-perfect Christmas-y way and I just had stop and enjoy it, to take it all in.

I turned off all of the lights in the house except the Christmas tree, and then I put on Mannheim Steamroller's Christmas CD, #11, Silent Night. What a song. Every year I play this song both on Christmas Eve and Christmas night to help me reflect about the year that's passed. It's the most beautiful Silent Night song I've ever heard and when I hear it, it slows my mind enough to sit and be. It's completely instrumental and at the very end, there is the sound of a wind swirling through the air, kind of signaling the change: the end of another year, the start of a new one and the wonder, fear and excitement of which that new year brings.

As I looked out my living room window, I noticed that the reflection in the window was that of our tree, glistening with white lights and ornaments. Outside the snow was falling and the air cold, but inside, there was peace and warmth. Then I saw myself in the reflection, with the tree to my left and the illuminated snow in front. Such beauty all round. It was sacred to me, all of it. As I stood there and thought about the time I've had at this address, in this house, I started to smile, and then to cry.

My first thought was to give praise to God for blessing me (and later Jeff) with this house. I can't even begin to count all of the blessings we've had here. Then my thoughts drifted to the memories that have been made here. So many wonderful memories, so many things to think about, including the awful moments I'm too ashamed to mention. "There's been so much here God, so much that You've ordained. Do I really have to go?"

I thought of how when I first found this house on my way to work, I had to sneak in to get a glimpse of it, it just seemed so perfect. The door was unlocked and the house was empty, and I ran through so fast with my heart beating in fear of someone finding me. I thought about it for two whole days, and so wished that it could be mine, that I could afford it and that they'd let me have my cat here. Once I finally got it, I came in (no longer sneaking in!) to pray in each and every room. It just seemed to normal to do that, since it was God who allowed me to have this dream. The main thing that I kept praying for was that this house would be a home, both for me and for those I love. I prayed that they'd feel welcome, comfortable as if it were their own home, and that the Lord's peace would forever flow here. God has answered that prayer. Every single person that's stepped foot in my home has felt at home. Every single one. God's presence rests here and I am so thankful that people can sense that and be comforted when they are here.

Then I thought about the various gatherings and get togethers I've hosted here. I thought about one of my best friends, Kim and how we were here the day before her wedding celebrating her and blessing her. I thought of my family celebrating Mother's Day here the day after that, and then I thought of the summer bible study we held here with young adult women from our church. We were bursting at the seams and I thought of the truth that was spoken during those 4 weeks into hearts that so desperately needed to hear it, perhaps mine needing to hear it the most. I thought of making dinners, chasing Jeff and being chased, painting rooms, sitting and watching election '04 coverage, babies who crawled on the floor, Justin the cat meowing and shedding everywhere. I thought of the fires we had in the pit and the friends who came to hang out. I thought of fights Jeff and I had and how I wished that I wasn't so stubborn. I thought of the way this house looked when I walked in last March and Jeff proposed. Candles were everywhere and he was beaming...I relieved every moment of that memory. Then my mind went to when I prepared for my own wedding, my closest friends coming here and blessing me with their advice, prayers and joy. I thought of mine and Jeff's first night here together as husband and wife, and how it was so not how I thought it would be! I laughed and grimaced and cried as my mind raced, thinking of things I thought I'd forgotten.

I looked outside and wondered, "What have you for me in Maryland, Lord? I know You're in the midst of this but what have you there for me? Will there be a home that's cozy and peaceful and warm? Will people know how You've impacted our lives and see us living for You? Will my friends know me like my friends here know me? The real me?" I thought of Jen and Katie and Louise and Kim. Kim's been gone now for 6 months, Katie's been gone a whole lot longer than that, but what about Jen and Louise? I'm leaving and can't bring them with me. I can't just stop by on my way to my sister's house to see Jen, or sit on the couch for hours upon hours talking with Louise. I won't see their faces every Sunday in church and our 3 weeks left together isn't nearly enough to accomplish all we wanted to do together! "Why God? Jen and I were going to be pregnant together, remember? And Louise is the mentor-friend I've always wanted, honest and wise and silly too. Can't they come too, Lord?" No Kelly, this is for you, I heard. I continued, "Why should I leave my Mom now when she's just about to retire and we'd have lots more time together, and what about when I have children? I want her to be there with me. And my Dad, God, he doesn't know You yet, I have more work to do! Can't we wait?"

The song kept playing, the snow kept falling, and I finally let myself grieve the losses that are about to come. It felt so good to cry hard about these things. My heart was open to feeling the pain and hearing what God was whispering to me in our silence, but I just couldn't decipher it all. It was too much and all I could do was sob with the precious memories floating in my head, all mixed up with gratitude and loss.

"Silent night, holy night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon Virgin Mother and Child, Holy Infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace, Sleep in heavenly peace..."

I wrote this post a few years ago. Jeff and I were very newly married, preparing to pack up and move to Maryland 2 days after Christmas.

As I re-read it tonight, I am comforted that although there was much unknown then, as there is now, we serve a God who knows all things, and works for our good and His glory.

No matter how dark the nights may seem, joy comes in the morning.

If Children Could Talk...

2009-11-09T23:00:00.005-05:00

…here is what they might say:

My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make my bed, draw a picture, or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so I can keep up with you.

My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely. Don’t restrict me unnecessarily.

Housework will always be there. I’m only little for a short time-please take time to explain things to me abou tthis wonderful world, and do so willingly.

My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs. Don’t nag me all day long…treat me as you would like to be treated.

I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, by holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by, and disciplining me in a loving manner.

I need your encouragment to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I’ll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.

Please don’t do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure up to your expectations. I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me with my brother or my sister.

Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it’s a great way to show us kids that your marraige is very special.

-Unknown

Michelle Frosino Cole

2009-07-12T16:14:00.002-04:00

Yes, YOU!

Call me.

It seems you are pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!

I also hear you have moved. How am I supposed to get a hold of you?? I need your #, girl!

I know you check my site a lot :) and am glad at least someone does, though I have not written in a while, so now that I've made you my Sunday post topic, you must call me!

Love,

Kelly

A Glimpse Into a Normal Day with a 2 Year Old

2009-05-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

I had to go to an Orthopedic Dr. for a problem I've been having with my knee. Here is the conversation that I had with Jak soon after I returned home:

Mom: "Jak, did you miss me?"

Jak: "Yes, I miss you Mom!"

M: "Where did I go?"

J: "To da docktors!"

M: "What did I go to the doctor for?"

J: "Your knee huwts."

M: "And what did the doctor say?" (Not sure why I even asked this, but now love that I did!)

J: "No more monkeys jumpin' on the BED, Mom!"

Gotta love that kid.

You Are My Dream Come True

2009-05-10T22:58:00.008-04:00

To My Precious Children,

There was never a time in my entire life that I did not want to be a Mother. As a little girl, I would daydream with my dolls, or even my first nieces, about being their Mommy, dressing them up and snuggling them close to me. As a teen, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and my answer was without fail, a Mom. Knowing that I needed a fallback, I went off to college to become a teacher, until of course, I became a Mother. As a young woman, my heart wondered when my dream of marriage and babies would come true. Many other people would scoff at the notion that I wanted to be a Mom. Surely there was more to life than being just a Mom. Didn't I care about my degree, wealth, a big house, vacations, nights on the town, livin' it up?

Nope.

Nothing mattered more to me than getting married and having children, because I always believed that God made me for that purpose. I never once doubted my desires. And still, at 31 years of age, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was right. My life has meaning and purpose beyond my titles as Wife and Mother, but this calling, to be your Mother, tops them all.

The day I found out about each of you was a day filled with unquenchable joy. That God would choose me to be your Mother was entirely humbling. That He would trust me with your life, both in and outside of the womb, was a bit scary, but again humbling and joyful nonetheless.

I couldn't (and didn't!) wait to tell everyone about your upcoming arrival. I couldn't wait until I could hear your heartbeat, feel your fluttery movements, and touch a round belly, knowing you were just on the other side, being formed and growing strong and healthy.

The moment I first laid eyes on you, after the long, hard work of labor was completed, I knew love like I had never known before. As I held each one of you and caressed your tiny body, as I hushed your crying and brought you to my breast, in me arose such a fierce love...that if ever, ever your life was in jeopardy, for any reason, I would fight to the death to defend you, even if it meant the death of me. And I would do it without thinking twice.

Because I am your Mother.

Day in and day out, we go about playing, eating, sleeping, laughing, crying, and learning together about how this Mother-Child relationship works. Some days we nail it! But, there are other days, days that are long and draining and I wish them to end so that I can rest my weary soul. Even then, on those difficult days, my love for you never fails. I push forward, I press on, even when it feels like there is nothing left to give.

Because I am your Mother.

As I have the privilege of watching you grow, I want you to know that I can hardly look at you while you're doing what you do, without my eyes getting wet. I wish that I could stop time in it's tracks, and stay in these moments forever.

Jak, I watch how you look at the world and wonder what you're thinking about. You are so intense and full of passion, yet are so sweet that my heart melts on a daily basis when you tell me that you "lub" me. I stare at you while you stare out the window, taking everything in, not missing a beat. I watch you while you play, with your long, slender fingers gently putting puzzle pieces together, or while you run your laps with such wonder around the garage, as if every lap is a new one, worthy of the hearty giggle you give when we lock eyes as you round the corner. As I tuck you in at night and find the "cags" on each of your teddies, I marvel at how much like your Daddy you are. Everything has to be done like it's always been done, no matter what. No finding the "cags" before you're "cucked in", I have to wait until all the covers are on before teddies and prayers, otherwise we have to start all over again from the beginning. And this, I'm now learning, is how you are wired. And I'm also learning to appreciate it.

John, I think that I underestimated your sweetness when you arrived. Every day with you brings out more sweetness than I thought possible, and at the same time you are clearly showing me you are all boy with each new discovery you master! Your round cheeks and toothy grin send me reeling, and I love to run my fingers through your baby-fine, floppy hair. I can't get enough of your snuggles and your giggles whenever I do something silly. You truly are the easiest baby around. I feel as if I didn't savor the precious time with you early on, but instead just tried to survive the days as best I could. I'm sorry for that. I wish that I could go back to those days, but I know I can't. So, I savor today. I savor your soft skin and your baby breath and the fact that you still want me more than anything else, except maybe your bottle or Daddy if he's around. All too soon, you will be taking those first few steps, steps of independence, steps away from me.

It's only been two and a half years since I became a Mother, so I'm still pretty new at this. Some day, I'll be much older and you'll be adults too, and the majority of my Mothering will be behind me. You will no longer come to me and ask "Why?", no longer need a kiss on a boo-boo, not need a bottle or to simply ask me for some fishies. There will be no tiny arms squeezing my neck or tired boys sitting on my lap at the end of a day to read books. I cry even now, writing this, but I know this is the plan. It's always been the plan. You are not mine. You are only on loan. I have to keep reminding myself this.

But I, I am your Mother. And will always be.

Thank You for making me what I've always wanted to be:

Your Mother.

"Where did I come from?" the baby asked its mother. She answered, half-crying, half-laughing, and clasping the baby to her breast, "You were hidden in my heart as its desire, my darling. You were in the dolls of my childhood games. In all my hopes and my loves, in my life, in the life of my mother, and in her mother before her, you have lived. In the lap of the eternal spirit you have been nursed and nurtured for ages."
-Indian philosopher and poet, Rabindrandth Tagore

"Hoewee Moewee!"

2009-05-05T22:43:00.003-04:00

Yes, that is how we pronounce "Holy Moly!" around here.

It has been far too long since I've written, and really, I have missed it. I'm not sure if I had blogger's block, or was busy trying to be a really good Mom, or tired, (maybe all 3?) but I'm back and I'm excited about it!

I have a tendency to get real excited about something and then gear up for it in all sorts of ways, and then I become too preoccupied with the excitement itself that the great plan I had just flops. Perhaps that's what happened here. I have so many great ideas about my blog, and thoughts or stories to post, and then it fizzles. Or, maybe I fizzle.

So, I can't promise that I won't be busy or tired or stumped about what to write about again, but I can say that I'll try to not go so long without posting if the above, does in fact, happen again. :)

..........................Onto more exciting things..............................

Spring is here in WNY, and it is B-U-TEE-FUL! I remember disliking Spring when I was younger, because it was always so rainy and muddy. It seemed very dreary. I wanted to skip past the season, because it really didn't matter much to have this yuck and muck for weeks on end. Summer needed to come, fast!

But oh, now I'm older. And wiser. I'm 31 now, you know. And let me tell you, I really enjoy Spring!

It started while I lived in Maryland. The warm weather, the fresh rains that washed away all of the winter grime, the crisp air that blew the winter stink off of you and out of your house, the cherry blossoms, the buds as they turned into beautiful springtime flowers, full of hope and promise. Yes, this is when I learned to love Spring.

Now that I'm back in upstate NY, I don't feel quite as lovingly towards Spring as I did for the past 3 years, since the weather can't make up its' mind and the season starts much later than in the South, but I'll still take it! I don't love it, but I do like it.

There is a sense of hope, of promise, in this new season, don't you think?

We are emerging from the winter season. A time of rest. Everything turns inward during winter, to rest for the season. Days are shorter and nights are longer, the trees are barren, flowers die and recede back into the ground to protect themselves from the cold, animals hibernate, people cuddle up with sweaters and blankets and comfort food, and life seems to march a bit more slowly.

A few long months later, the thaw comes, and we can see the tiniest speck of new life surfacing. Those first few days of warmer air is like a heat wave, and winter coats are shed and windows crack open, just to get a fresh air scent in the house. For me, when the birds start to sing, is when my excitement comes. I love waking to their songs, and love seeing robins pecking the ground for worms. (When my Grandfather died, we found a notebook that he used to jot quick, daily thoughts on. One of the last things he noted was seeing a large, red-breasted robin in the yard, and he wrote that Spring was 'round the corner. I can't help but remember my wonderful Grandpa every single time I see a robin.)

Each year, I look around at all of the trees as I drive by, and there is always one specific day where they seem to POP! A fresh, lime green seems to have colored the tree scape and it is then that I know Spring is officially here. The old has gone, the new has come!

The sense of newness in Spring doesn't stop with nature. I sense a newness in me, every season, and I'm pretty sure God intended it to be that way. Ecclesiastes 3 states:

3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
3:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3:3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
3:4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
3:5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
3:6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
3:7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
3:8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

There is a time for everything! I'm thankful that with every season, God refreshes and renews me. I need it. Don't we all...

All of this new life is so exciting, but the most exciting thing about Spring for me is that I get to worship the risen Christ on Easter Sunday! You can't get any more renewed than that! Talk about newness, about beauty, about hope. There is no hope greater than Him. And every year, I get to praise Him not only for who He is and what He did, but for what He has done in and through me. What a privilege.

As this Spring season rounds out and makes way for Summer, I am excited about so many things.

It feels like I have been in winter for far too long, figuratively speaking. There is only so much transition that one can take before it begins to take its' toll on a person. I am that person. Having felt like I lost my self on so many levels the past few years, I am finally feeling like I am found again, and found as an entirely new person, at that! Scary, exciting and wonderful all at the same time. Yay for the promise of a new season, for the promise of new beginnings!

More to come...

Hold Your Horses!

2009-04-27T23:34:00.000-04:00

I'm coming back!

The Boys

2009-02-04T13:40:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to give a brief update of our lives, since I've been slacking on their stats lately!

We'll start with John this time.

John is still a sweet little bundle of joy most all the time. He cries when his big brother messes with him, or when he's hungry and I'm taking too long to get his food to his mouth. That's about it. Well, that, and the occasional fall backwards will set him off. He's generally a happy little guy. He still loves to snuggle and cuddle, which makes many a heart happy here in WNY. Most little guys at 8 months old want to do anything BUT cuddle, so he gets scooped up a lot for a quick snuggle from random people. We don't mind.

Those random people usually give him back after a few minutes because this little snuggler is also a little chunker! I weighed him randomly on my scale yesterday and it read 25 pounds! My scale is also very accurate, mind you. So, he snuggles and I get some serious arm workouts. Not a bad deal.

John has weaned from the breast, which is sad for me. Sad because I know that had I kept up with my fluid intake, he'd still be nursing. This kid loves to suck. He'll take a bottle over food any day. I love to nurse, and don't mind nursing my babies for as long as they want. I had hoped to go longer with John than I did with Jak, and I met that goal by one month. 8 months is not bad, but I just know how beneficial it is for both he and I, and I love the time with just him and I alone. I wrestle a bit with guilt about not drinking enough and therefore not having enough milk for him right now, but then God (gently) slaps me in the face and tells me to move on, in so many words. So I do. Until the next twinge of guilt rears its' ugly head. It's showing up less and less these days, so I must be making some progress.

As far as food goes, he is eating most things except the famed Chicken & Stars jarred dinner. He HATES that stuff. I don't blame him. His favorite things are, aside from milk, fruits and chicken. He seems to be a more picky eater than his bro, but I do think in time he'll round himself out. He's just started to chew well, so he's getting some puffs and cereal bits here and there, along with bread and whatever else is soft that we're eating around here. I love to cook for my family, and making baby food is no exception. In fact, next week I'll have a short tutorial for WFMW, so stay tuned!

Because John wasn't doing so well with textures, I haven't made him anything other than applesauce, until this week. Yesterday, I made some peaches, pears and will do some chicken in the next day or two. I'm eager to see how he likes the chicken. Jak loved it and so I'd usually put it in most of his fruits or veggies to get some protein in him. I'm hoping to do the same for John.

My boy isn't so fond of the sippy cup, and you can see why in a few paragraphs before this. He just loves to suck. Sipping just isn't the same. We're working on it.

At 8 months, John-boy is just about ready to crawl. He desperately tries to pull himself up on things, but has yet to be successful in that regard. He is so heavy, and I think it'll be a while before he can support his weight on his arms alone (as he pulls up to standing). He is scootching backwards and we end up finding him in lots of weird places because of this. He'll scootch under the table or in between chair legs, or under the chairs, and then whines because he can't move and doesn't know how to get out! He'll rock on all fours but hasn't figured out yet how to move those arms and legs at the same time. It'll come. We aren't worried, and we certainly aren't in a rush. We know the work that lies ahead, once they become mobile!!!

I do think that he'd be moving all over the place by now if we'd have let him down on the floor more. Jak is not always aware of John's presence, let alone nice when he is aware, so we've kept the baby up more often than not. And speaking of Jak...well, he and John are best friends. Just ask him! It's the cutest thing when he says, "Gon-boy is my best friennn!!! And once Jak stops squeezing John's cheeks (wonder where he learned that from?!), I'm sure John will agree.

Overall, my baby boy is just a happy little guy. Very content. Very consistent. Very, very cute.

On to Jak:

The little conversationalist that I spend my days with is quite a cheeky little guy. Each day brings something new, and it usually starts with jumping. As he screams for us to come and get him (he refuses to just ASK for Mom or Dad rather than scream), I open the door, and the screaming stops. He says, "Hi Mom. I all done seepin'." I proceed to kiss him, smooth over his silky hair, turn off the sound machine and open the shade, all while he jumps away in his crib. Then, we head to John's room to say Good Morning, and change diapers. Jak usually jumps his way there.

Once diaper duty is done, Jak jumps to the kitchen or living room to start his day. While I make breakfast, the jumping continues on either the couch or the bed, and after a scolding, the jumping resumes on the living room floor, complete with a "I JUMPIN' MOM!" from my little man. Yes, buddy, you are jumpin'...

He loves to eat lately, and will pound away the same size portion that I have, if not more. Growth spurt? Maybe he's trying to ensure that his little brother doesn't surpass him any time soon. His favorites remain: corn, peas, couscous, steak, pretzels and hummus. Let's not forget water. Unlike his Momma, but much like his DaDa, The boy can drink.

We are working on potty training these days and though it's one of those parts of parenting that I thoroughly dislike, I know the end result is coming soon so I keep pressing on. One in diapers will be really nice!

My Jak-man amazes me each day with the words he says and things that he talks about. I wish that I could video each moment with him, to remember it all...he is just so precious. I love every stage and am especially keen on the baby stages, but I'll tell ya, this 2 year old gig is great, except for the tantrums and not listening part, of course.

Jak is so full of wonder and excitement for every little thing, and it's contagious. I never before got so excited to throw laundry down the chute, or throw a ball into a basket!

My heart is truly walking around in the form of a two year old boy, not to mention another chubby-bubby rolling around leaving drool puddles everywhere, and I'm certain that I'll never get it back. And that's OK. I wouldn't want it any. other. way.

2009-02-04T13:37:00.000-05:00

Here are the brothers playing with a bowl. Or a hat. Depending on which way you look at it. ;)

FB Anonymous, Anyone?

2009-02-03T21:58:00.003-05:00

Oh my. It's been a long time. A very long time.

Each time I sit down to write a new post, I find myself tapping the keys only to press backspace all the way to the beginning of the page. Hmph. Maybe I have a case of Writer's Block? Or maybe it's called Blogger's Block? BB?

OR, maybe it's because all of my brain cells are wasting away with each waking minute I spend on Facebook?

Don't get me wrong, Facebook is a marvelous thing. I have found "friends" on there that I haven't spoken to in years, which is why I added quotations to the word friend. I wish they'd have a better, less friend-y word for FB "friends" who are actually non-friends in real life. Acquaintances sounds too distant for someone whose status you read daily. I digress.

So, I have a lot of FB "friends" and I love reading about their daily lives, looking at the pictures that get posted, and communicating with people through a venue with a little more life to it than just plain 'ol email.

However, it's addicting. Very addicting. To the point that I check FB more than I check my email. Strange. Why email when you can FB? Why FB when you can email? Still figuring this one out, though I'm pretty sure that it has something to do with the "more life to it" aspect that I mentioned above.

I even feel a little guilt about introducing the addiction that is FB to poor, unsuspecting souls like my husband whose plate is already full enough, and my sister who takes her computer with her into the bathroom while her 4 kids chase after her (just kidding, Trace!). Let's not forget my dear Mom, who is gaining strength in numbers under her "Friend" list as well. I'm convinced that she'll end up connecting with her long lost first love via this fabulous, addicting tool.

Then, my guilt will be gone!

But my blog will still be overdue for a new post.

Get Your Tissues Out

2009-02-01T00:02:00.004-05:00

Read this:

Then, count your blessings.

Finally, remember that this life is not the end, but just the beginning. The Goodness is coming.

WFMW -- THE BEST Chicken Pot Pie Recipe EVER!

2009-01-21T11:27:00.000-05:00

This is by far, the best Chicken Pot Pie I have ever tasted. Please, please try it. It is outstanding. And the best part is (other than the taste, of course), is that it makes 2 or 3 pies!! The recipe says to make individual pies in small dishes but since it was just Jeff and I with the kids, I skipped that part and made it in a pie dish. Had I made it smaller, then I would've had 3 pies out of this one recipe, but I still think I made out pretty good.

Please don't be scared away by the steps involved. It's really not hard. I promise. I made it with 2 babies under foot and a husband who tends to hover while I cook, and it still turned out perfect. Enjoy!

Chicken Pot Pie

Barefoot Contessa

Ingredients:

3 whole (6 split) chicken breasts, bone-in, skin-on

3 tablespoons olive oil

Kosher salt

Freshly ground black pepper

5 cups chicken stock, preferably homemade

2 chicken bouillon cubes

12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter

2 cups yellow onions, chopped (2 onions)

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/4 cup heavy cream

2 cups medium-diced carrots, blanched for 2 minutes

1 (10-ounce) package frozen peas (2 cups)

1 1/2 cups frozen small whole onions

1/2 cup minced fresh parsley leaves

For The Pastry:

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 cup vegetable shortening

1/4 pound cold unsalted butter, diced

1/2 to 2/3 cup ice water

1 egg beaten with 1 tablespoon water, for egg wash

Flaked sea salt and cracked black pepper

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Place the chicken breasts on a baking sheet and rub them with olive oil. Sprinkle generously with salt and pepper. Roast for 35 to 40 minutes, or until cooked through. Set aside until cool enough to handle, then remove the meat from the bones and discard the skin. Cut the chicken into large dice. You will have 4 to 6 cups of cubed chicken.

In a small saucepan, heat the chicken stock and dissolve the bouillon cubes in the stock. In a large pot or Dutch oven, melt the butter and saute the onions over medium-low heat for 10 to 15 minutes, until translucent. Add the flour and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, for 2 minutes. Add the hot chicken stock to the sauce. Simmer over low heat for 1 more minute, stirring, until thick. Add 2 teaspoons salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, and heavy cream. Add the cubed chicken, carrots, peas, onions and parsley. Mix well.

For the pastry, mix the flour, salt, and baking powder in the bowl of a food processor fitted with a metal blade. Add the shortening and butter and mix quickly with your fingers until each piece is coated with flour. Pulse 10 times, or until the fat is the size of peas. With the motor running, add the ice water; process only enough to moisten the dough and have it just come together. Dump the dough out onto a floured board and knead quickly into a ball. Wrap the dough in plastic and allow it to rest in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Divide the filling equally among 4 ovenproof bowls. Divide the dough into quarters and roll each piece into an 8-inch circle. Brush the outside edges of each bowl with the egg wash, then place the dough on top. Trim the circle to 1/2-inch larger than the top of the bowl. Crimp the dough to fold over the side, pressing it to make it stick. Brush the dough with egg wash and make 3 slits in the top. Sprinkle with sea salt and cracked pepper. Place on a baking sheet and bake for 1 hour, or until the top is golden brown and the filling is bubbling hot.

Ok, a few things...I used skinless, boneless chicken breasts because that's all I had. I just cooked them in the oven without seasoning them like she says to. And, because I use the Better Than Boullion that I wrote about here, I don't think I missed out on any flavor with using the boneless breasts. I also didn't add small whole onions, but instead added diced potatoes with the peels still on them (more nutrients, people!). I'm certain that you could add any veggie you like, and it would still taste delicious! It's just that good! But--don't go looking at the fat content! ;)

Too Late

2009-01-14T23:50:00.004-05:00

I just got my WFMW all set and ready to go. Then I published it. Then I tried to link it to Shannon's site and realized that Wednesday already happened. It was today. Hmph. So, I'm saving it for next week's WFMW.

I have a bunch of things I've been sitting on, so check back soon, and hopefully I'll have written! :)

Happy Thursday!

Learning the Secret

2008-12-31T21:19:00.014-05:00

Philippians 4:12 (New International Version)

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

The Message:

I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Though I am way behind on posting (and there is much to post about!), I thought I'd leave 2008 with a topic that has been close to my heart all year long:

Contentment.

In this crazy stuff-obsessed world, it's hard to focus on what we have now, and be thankful for it. We always want more, think we need more, try to get more, when in actuality, we get along just fine with what we have.

I freely admit that wanting more is a struggle for me. And if it's not for you, then I'd love to talk to you and find out the secret you're keeping from the rest of us.

The things that top my wants list are:

-a bigger, more beautiful house

-my own car

-more furniture (to put where? I do not know, yet I still want more!)

-more decorations (echo the above side note)

-new clothes

-new shoes

-new accessories (even though I do not accessorize much since having children)

-more time (not a tangible thing, but a want nonetheless)

I could keep listing things but you get the idea. I want more. Bigger, better, newer. Gimme it all.

And yet, when I take a step back and really assess things, I find that I don't need any more than I've already got.

I have a beautiful house, and though it is small and needs updating, God Himself provided it for me and my budding family for this season of our lives. Why should I want anything else?

I have a car when I need it, and for right now it's working out OK.

Since I have a small house, I have no room for more furniture or decorations. I've got what I need here, and I get compliments all the time on how cozy my house feels. I must be doing something right.

I am clothed daily, and if you notice otherwise, please quietly take me aside and get me some help. :) I may not have the latest wardrobe or the cutest new accessories, and my 3 pairs, yes you read that right, 3 pairs of shoes have been keeping my feet dry just fine for the past few years. I'm doing OK. And when I'm in the size I want to be (which is a whole 'nother contentment issue!) and my feet stop growing during pregnancies, then I'll go shopping. And I'll tell you right now, I'm gonna love every minute of it.

For now, though, I'm OK. I've got everything I need. And, if I really have my game face on for the day, I'm quick to realize that having everything I want doesn't mean I'll be happier, wiser or even totally content. It just means, frankly, that I'll have more stuff.

To sum up for 2008, I've got it all. I really do. A husband who adores me, 2 healthy, fun and stinkin' cute kids, friends who accept me at my best and worst, family who loves me, a warm house, food to eat, clothes to wear, and even some sparkly jewels are among my list of haves. But the best thing I could ever have, and am so undeserving of, is a Savior who loves me beyond what I deserve, and who walks with me every single day of my life. He gives me what I need, what I want--in His timing, and hope for the future.

In 2009, I want to rest in that.

Here's to a new year of learning the secret of being content, whatever the circumstances.

Philippians 4:8 (New International Version):

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8 (The Message):

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

WFMW: Cheesy Vegetable Chicken Chowder

2008-11-26T07:00:00.000-05:00

I got this recipe from a friend of mine while living in MD, and finally tried it the other day. It was delicious and works for me because it's super easy and the ingredients are ones that I usually have on hand. I will make this again and again, it was just so yummy. Give it a try and enjoy!

1/2 c chopped onion

2 cloves garlic

celery salt or powder to taste

3/4 c sliced carrots

2 c chopped, peeled potatoes (I didn't peel mine)

5 c chicken broth*

1 17oz can whole kernel corn, drained

1/4 c melted butter

1/4 c flour

2 c warm milk

salt & pepper

1/8 t paprika

1 2oz jar pimento

8oz cheddar cheese

2 c chopped, cooked chicken

Combine first 6 ingredients in a large stock pot. Simmer covered, until potaotes are tender. Stir in corn.

Blend butter and flour in a medium sauce pan. Stir in warm milk (warm so it won't curdle) gradually. Stirring constantly, cook over medium heat until thickened. Add salt, pepper, paprika, pimento, cheese and chicken. Cook until cheese melts, stirring constantly. Stir into vegetable mixture.

My recipe says to serve with sweet vermouth and top with fresh parsley and cayenne pepper. I didn't have any of those and it still tasted great. Definately serve with fresh bread, though! It's a real winner.

*(I didn't have 5 c of chicken broth on hand, but did have some chicken base "boullion". It's called Better Than Boullion and it's made from chicken meat with natural juices. I saw it at Wegmans and decided to give it a try. So glad I did because I will use it all the time and not have to worry about ever having enough broth around. This works great and is full of flavor, so much better than salty ol' boullion. I definately recommend it.)

(I put the large orange next to the jar for size comparisons. It's an 8oz jar and makes 9.5 qts of broth.)

Shhh!

2008-11-24T21:37:00.001-05:00

I have a little secret to tell. And when I'm done, feel free to tell another tired Mommy all about it!

I went out to shop a few Friday's ago, but not to buy anything in particular. I just needed to get out. Jeff got the boys fed and tucked in for the night while I was gone, and I was able to walk around stores aimlessly just to see what there was without any care in the world!

My first stop was Toys 'R Us/Babies 'R Us. I had to get a bottle brush. Yep, back to the old fashioned cleaning helpers since we live without a dishwasher. Did you read that? We live without a dishwasher. Don't ask me how. I do not recommend it. And no, that's not the secret.

So, I quickly located the bottle brush and decided I'd check out some toys in preparation for Jak's birthday and the soon-to-follow Christmas holiday. Who knew that a Friday night would mean madness in a toy store? All I could think of was, "Is this where people go on a Friday night? Is this what I've been missing out on for the past 3 years without a car???"

I mosey'd on down the aisles, becoming well acquainted with all things Little People. Then I went over to the toy kitchens, trying to decide if Jak would actually play with one for more than a day. I decided that he wouldn't. I looked at Thomas stuff, wagons, blocks, puzzles, stuffed animals (like we need any more of those!) and blocks. Made some mental notes and made it through the maze of people (again, is this what people do on Friday nights?!) to the register.

From there, I went to Starbucks to have a yummy chai, and popped into Old Navy and JoAnn's, just to look. It has been so long since I've been able to just look at things. I either have a time frame (nursing or sharing a car is not conducive to just looking), or a baby or toddler or husband just looking right alongside of me. I looked at clothes. I looked at Christmas ornaments. I looked at wreaths and garlands and pretty topiaries. I called each of my sisters to tell them I found garlands for their mantels (seperate garlands, each to match thier own style of decor). I looked at picture frames, of which I need many. I looked at stamping stuff and fun papers. I just looked at everything!!!

And friends, it was pure bliss.

I decided I needed some more bliss so I went on to AC Moore. Looked at a lot more stuff there, and I actually bought something! My Secret Sister from MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) surprised me with an AC Moore gift card so I went and carefully chose a tart warmer to melt all of my Yankee Tarts in this winter. I keep getting these awesome coupons for Yankee Candles but since we are monitoring every dime that comes and goes as we revise our family budget and accounting system, the coupons end up getting passed on to other lucky YC lovers and I am left with a non-scented house. Well, a non-holiday scented house. So, I was excited for my find after looking at the entire store wondering what I'd use my gift card on.

The clerk came on the intercom at approximately 9:25 to let us shoppers know they'd be closing in 5 mintues. I made my way slowly up to the register, bought my tart warmer and cheerfully trekked back to my car.

As I walked in the house with a smile on my face, I put my Wife and Mom hat back on and breathed a sigh of relief. Who knew 3 hours of alone time, a warm drink and a $5 tart warmer could rejuvinate even the most tired of Mommies?

There you have it. Take it for what it's worth. I'm passing my "secret" along to you and encouraging you to get out for a few hours...you know, just to look.

And Then You Remember...

2008-11-22T23:31:00.001-05:00

...not to give yourself too much credit. :)

You Know You're Doing OK When...

2008-11-21T10:21:00.003-05:00

...you are preparing dinner in the kitchen while your two kids play in the living room and you hear the older one say, promptly after the baby sneezes, "Bless You, Gon-boy!"

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy of Mine

2008-11-18T23:52:00.004-05:00

Dear Jak,

Since the moment I knew of your presence, you have captured my heart. I promise you'll have it always, until the end of time.

730 days have passed since I first laid my eyes upon yours, and in that instant, a dream came true: I became a Mother.

We have a lot of fun together, you and I. And my hope is that we will continue to, even as you grow older and the challenges become greater. I want you to always know how loved you are, how wanted you were and are and always will be, and how I cherish my moments with you each day.

I look forward to the sound of your voice calling out my name as you wake with the morning light. I savor the wide smile on your face as you charge at me, arms extended, ready to throw them around my neck and squeeze! I love your wet kisses, and your hearty giggle. I love to tuck you in at night and kiss your sweetly scented blond head while I whisper "I love you" into your ear.

Even in the tough times, the times where you cry on the outside and I cry on the inside for having to discipline you (because I know how hard it is to obey even when you don't want to), I cherish you. Because I know that I am helping to mold a heart that hopefully will one day follow hard after God, and obey Him--even when it's tough.

You are a little boy now, Jak. No longer my "Baby Jak" but now my "Jak-man". You sleep in a big boy bed, you now sit at the table with Daddy and I instead of a high chair, you have a new carseat that will last until you're 7(!) and you'll soon be using the potty all the time. You are a curious, playful, fun-loving little boy. And as I sit and write about all of the changes this birthday brings, I look back in wonder and awe at that day two years ago, when you blessed our life so abundantly.

And I cry tears of joy, just like I did that day.

Thank you for being mine, sweet baby of mine. Thank you for making me a Mommy.

WFMW--Holiday Traditions

2008-11-12T00:13:00.004-05:00

My edition of Works for Me Wednesday is backwards for today.

With Thanksgiving and Christmas just around the corner, I've been thinking constantly about traditions. Jeff and I both bring different traditions to the table, and now that we have two little ones around, we want to be able to incorporate some of those into our family, as well as some new ones, too. I love to hear about how others celebrate in/with their families, and am hoping to glean some ideas for things that we can incorporate into our own family as our boys grow. We are anticipating a very exciting Christmas this year with Jak turning two, and being able to understand things a *bit* better, and although he won't fully understand much of it yet, nor will he remember it, we'd like to start to try to be intentional about how we do things for various holidays.

Some thoughts to get you started are:

-New Year's Eve/Day--any special things to do with your kids; ex: a goal jar to be opened at the end of that new year, to see if any/all goals were accomplished

-Valentine's Day--is this a fun holiday for you or just a "Hallmark" holiday that passes by? If it's fun, why?

St. Patrick's Day

Easter--Resurrection Eggs? Easter Bunny? Easter Baskets? Easter Egg Hunt?

Memorial Day/Veteran's Day

4th of July

Mother's Day/Father's Day/Grandparent's Day

1st Day of School/Fall--Apple Picking? Pumpkin Patch? Harvest Party?

Halloween--do you do it? Why or why not?

Thanksgiving--Soup Kitchen? Giving an entire meal to a needy family?

Christmas--the big one: Santa or not, and WHY or WHY NOT (this is a big one for me!)? Advent Calendar? Advent Wreath? Jesse Tree? Stockings? Cutting your own Tree? Open presents on Christmas Eve or not? Cookies? Gingerbread Houses? Driving to look at lights? Caroling? Trimming the Tree? Soup Kitchen? Angel Tree or Operation Shoebox at church?

Please feel free to add any other holidays or traditions that I might have missed or don’t know about! And if it applies, please tell me how you incorporate your Faith into the tradition.

I am so eager to hear your responses. I truly look forward to reading them all, and possibly incorporating them into our bag of traditions!

Baby Steps

2008-11-05T00:22:00.003-05:00

I didn't think it would be so hard.

I didn't think my eyes would get wet.

I didn't think I'd take pictures to capture the sweet blonde head of hair sticking out from under the covers.

I didn't think I'd question our decision.

I didn't think it would be so hard...

...to let go.

My baby boy is now in a big boy bed.

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With each step forward out of babyhood and total dependency comes a furthering distance between a child and his parents. It's exciting to watch yet it's bittersweet. How much do we want our children to become intelligent, well-rounded, responsible people? Yet when they are fast on their way to becoming that, we watch from the sidelines, hoping they don't stumble, hoping they won't get hurt, holding our breath with every moment.

I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately. I am reliving all of Jak's early firsts through John, and it's wonderful. But as I bask in the memories of a happy baby boy growing up, I also realize that it's happening faster than I'd like it to.

I'm glad it doesn't all happen at once. Honestly, I don't think I could handle it. I just keep reminding myself....baby steps, Kel. Baby steps.

Firstborn

2008-11-03T07:00:00.002-05:00

I got this survey in an email from my friend, Melissa, and thought it'd be fun to use to start a meme. If you so desire, feel free to call yourself "tagged" and play along! Answer the questions below about having your firstborn and tag others when you're done:

1. Were you married at the time? yes
2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? I got teary and was so happy, but yet couldn't believe that it was actually happening to me even thought I thought that I probably was!
3. How did you find out you were pregnant? a routine physical at the dr.'s office...I told her I was late and so they did a test and not 3 minutes after the dr. came in to do the physical the nurse knocked on the door, the dr. went out and came right back in with a smile on her face and said, "Kelly, you are pregnant!"
4. Who did you tell first? since Jeff was getting a physical at the same time, he found out when I did. So, then we told his sister Jennifer because we were meeting her for lunch and wanted her to know first!

5. Did you want to find out the sex? I didn't want to but Jeff wanted to.

6. Due date? November 8, 2006

7. Did you deliver early or late? 10 days "late"

8. Did you have morning sickness? no

9. What did you crave? Ice cream

10. Who irritated you the most! No one, really.

11. What was your first child's sex? Male

12. How many pounds did you gain throughout the pregnancy? 39

13. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? No, I was very blessed with healthy and easy pregnancies both times

14. Where did you give birth? At home, on the bed

15. How many hours were you in labor? almost 14

16. Who drove you to the hospital? Ha!

17. Who watched? Jeff, my Mom, my friend Kelly and our 2 midwives

18. Was it natural or c-section? all natural

19. Did you take medicine to ease the pain? no

20. How much did your child weigh? 7 pounds, 7 ounces

21. Did your child have any complications? no

22. What did you name him/her? Jeffery Alan Knapp, II (nickname: JAK)

23. How old is your first born today? will be 2 years old in a few short weeks! My how time flies.

24. Who does your child look like? a great mix of both of us

Toddlerspeak

2008-11-02T09:00:00.002-05:00

Jak is in full talk mode these days so here are some things that he says in case you can't figure out what's coming out of his mouth if/when he talks to you (emphasis added where necessary):

gICKin (chicken)

peeee (piggy)

peas (please)

muah (thank you--he still signs this word but now it has the added effect of blowing a kiss)

gonbooyy!! (John-boy)

raous (flowers)

buusch (spoon--don't ask me where he got that one from!?)

beer (bear)

beeps/beets--depending on the day (bib)

helpee (help)

godods (donuts)

wawa (water)

siy-siy (outside)

puple! (football)

key (kitty)

budy (birdy)

meets (music)

pay (pray)

gumPIN (pumpkin)

peopo (people)

anmals (animals)

People:

Awss (Alex, his cousin)

Teetci (Tracy, his aunt)

Geff (Jeff [Jak likes to mimic me!])

Kaiyee (Kelly [he actually will call me that when addressing me!])

Soshine (Sonja Lee from Fisher-Price Little People)

Nisan (Nathan, his cousin)

Yeesha (Lisa, his aunts)

Sera (Sarah, his cousin)

Masshew (Matthew, his cousin)

Eek (Eric, his cousin)

Emee (Emily, his aunt)

Gen (Jenn, his aunt)

Sofie (Grandma's dog Sofie, and his friend, Sofia)

Deba (Grandpa & Grandma Dennis' dog, Reba)

Oui-Oui or Oui-Ouis (Louise, our friend)

GAK! (Jak, of course!)

This kid is so cute, we can't get enough of him!!!

Halloween 2008

2008-11-01T22:20:00.006-04:00

Jeff and I had so much fun this year, celebrating Halloween with our little kiddos. John just smiled the day away, as always (so thankful for that boy--he is such a joy and so easy!), and Jak was really into the Trick-or-Treating once he understood that when you said it--or something that sounded somewhat like it--you got treats in your bucket!

We went over to my sister's house early in the afternoon, to visit with Steve who is home on leave from Afghanistan. Thier neighborhod held a party so that everyone could see him because my sister banished everyone from visiting or calling while he's home. I don't blame her. I mean, they have a lot of reconnecting to do, especially as he gets acquainted with his new daughter whom he met for the first time as he got off the airplane!

So, we went and had a garbage can turkey (ever have one of those? It's completely cooked in a metal garbage can--a clean one, of course!), which was delicious, and some other yummy goodies. Then it was time to get the kids in their costumes and off we went! John ended up falling asleep on my Mom's lap for a while, so we took Jak alone. He was a bit confuesed at first, but it didn't take long for the concept to take hold.

After each house put a treat in his bucket, he'd shout, "Mo' teets!" The treat givers got a real kick out of that. :) We ended up doing the entire street, minus the cul-de-sac. That's around 25 houses for those little frog legs! By the end, he was walking...real...slow...and once we got back to Tracy's he lost it. We did what any normal parents would do in a situation like that. We gave him some mo' teets!

He got a second wind shortly after and started wrestling a bit with Daddy. When we finally packed up and got ready to leave, he was in a zombie-ish state, and we called it a night. A really fun night.

And The Winner Is...

2008-11-01T21:23:00.007-04:00

Jak chose the Froggy as soon as I put it on, way back when! He is a boy who knows what he wants! And apparently he has good taste, since the majority of you voted for the Frog as well! Thanks for your votes and comments, it was fun to see what everyone thought!

Technical Difficulties

2008-10-31T23:44:00.003-04:00

I am having some trouble uploading pics from our Halloween festivities using our new Picasa program. Please check back tomorrow! They'll be worth it -- 2 cuties pies will be all over this blog!

The Vote Is In!

2008-10-20T21:46:00.004-04:00

There are just a few days left until Halloween is here! We are all ready to head to my sisters to go Trick-or-Treating this year. Both boys have their costumes ready and I can't wait to take pictures of them! Last year, Jak was a teddy bear and he was barely walking! I have pictures of him sitting in the grass looking at the big kids running around and this year he'll be one of the big kids! Time flies when you're having fun, and that, we are.

We got pretzels and fruit snacks duty this year to hand out to the little ones; Tracy has candy duty for the big kids. I'm gonna make sure we get lots of both! For Jak, of course...

As for the costume vote: A whopping 80% voted on the Frog for Jak-man! As I said before, he picked out which one he wanted to wear when I tried them on him, but I just wanted to see what you all thought. Both were cute, weren't they? Stay tuned to find out what he chose, and see the real live Halloween pics right here!

Happy Halloween to you all!

The Big Vote 2008

2008-10-01T20:00:00.001-04:00

Obama? McCain? Chicken? Frog? So many decisions this year.

Well, the Presidential one was quite easy for me, but I need a little bit of help with what Jak should be for Halloween.

Do you like the Funky Chicken?

Or do you like the Froggy Legs?

Vote now and may the best man, er, animal win!

Disclaimer: Jak will actually choose and I'm not telling which one he's leaning towards, but I thought it'd be fun to see what you all think! Leave me a note after you vote!

Warm Fuzzies, et al.

2008-10-01T13:31:00.004-04:00

I am sitting here in my living room, enjoying the the beautiful sun shining through the picture window. It was quite chilly this morning, and I wondered if our Fall was already over and Old Man Winter was quickly approaching. But now, the sun is back out and it feels so good. I'm so cozy I could sit here all day and soak in the heat and brightness from the sun as it cascades over the room; it's so inviting right now. I've got my Fall decorations out and I'm feeling all homey. If you know me at all, you know that Fall is by far, my favorite season. So, I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside right now and could stay in this place all day long. Ahh, the house, the clean rooms, the quiet hum of the laundry machines, the candle burning, the--

--back to reality. The kids are sleeping and they'll soon be up! Blog fast! Blog fast!

OK, so if you scroll down a bit you'll notice that Jak spoke his first 3 word sentence just a few hours ago. This is a big deal for us! He is talking all the time and we've heard 2 word sentences like, "Bye, Daddy.", "Help, Mommy.", "Hug Baby.", and my favorite, "All Done!". But we are in all new territory today! As much as I love all the baby stages, I am looking forward to being able to have conversations with my little buddy!

Jak also has a daily routine of bringing out every single stuffed animal that he owns, along with ones that he doesn't own (his brother's), and putting them in the living room. One by one, he brings them out, and throws them into a pile. I don't much mind this daily occurrence because it he enjoys it (read: frees up Mommy to quick do something around the house!). Yesterday, as we were getting ready for lunch and naps, I told him to put his animals away. He refused. I told him again. "No." Then I told him that his animals had to take a nap so he needed to put them away. Eagerly, one by one, the animals went back to his room and settled in for their nap.

Who knew a simple spin on words would work wonders and avoid an all out meltdown?

As for John-boy, he went to the Dr. yesterday for his 4 month check--up. 4 months, people! Where does the time go???

The report was good, just as I figured. He is weighing in at 19.12 pounds! Yep, you read that right, almost 20 pounds. The Dr. said I have amazing breast milk. Well, what can I say? Pretty soon I'm gonna have amazing biceps too! This kid is h-e-a-v-y! He's 27 inches long, too. So, he's in the 98.97 percentile for weight and 94 percentile for height. I'm going to have to start pushing the recruiters away from our house soon if he keeps this up!

I also have some exciting-to-me news that I will share with you, but not for about 8-10 weeks yet. Since a previous post I wrote caused quite the stir among some family folks, I will spare you some suspense and let you know that no, I'm not pregnant. At least not that I know of. And if I am and don't know it yet, then forget the exciting news in 8-10 weeks because it'll be put to the back-burner until God knows when.

That's it for now. I'm off to wash the floor. More on that later.

What's It Gonna Take? The 'Me vs. We' War

2008-10-01T12:46:00.005-04:00

I thought I'd share a BreakPoint Commentary that I heard today, from Chuck Colson. I like to listen to him because many of his commentaries encourage me to think beyond the surface of current issues and look deeper at the impact that these issues have on people all over the world.

"On Monday, the House of Representatives surprised its leaders, the administration, and, most of all, the financial community by rejecting the agreed-upon financial rescue plan. The bill will be debated again tomorrow.

Two-thirds of all Republicans and two-fifths of all Democrats voted against the plan, with predictable results. The markets tanked around the world. We saw a record 777-point drop in the Dow Jones and the worst one-day loss in the S&P 500 since the 1930s. The market recovered somewhat yesterday, but the credit crisis remains.

The explanation of why 228 representatives risked a meltdown in financial markets could be expressed in another set of numbers: Phone calls and emails from their constituents opposed the measure by a 100-to-1 margin.

Now to be sure, some, like my friend Congressman Mike Pence of Indiana, opposed the rescue measure on principle. But many who voted against the bill merely reflected the will of their constituents, who wondered why their money should be used to take other people off the hook.

A very telling poll revealed that 25 percent of those polled favored the measure, 25 percent had no opinion, and the rest opposed it, largely on the grounds that it didn’t affect them or wasn’t their fault. And given what we saw on the television news, for once I believe the polls. The typical man-on-the-street interview went something like this: “The bailout won’t help me! You bet I’m against it.”

Frankly, I was appalled. I can’t help but think that these results illustrate how far we’ve gone down the path of viewing all politics and all of life as “what’s in it for me.”

As many have tried to explain, what is happening on Wall Street affects what happens on Main Street. As I record this, millions of Americans, living far from Manhattan, are measurably poorer as a result of what has been happening in financial markets.

So instead of asking “how is the common good best served?” we look to our own interest, even at the risk of a “decade of little or no economic growth” and a meltdown of the global financial system.

It isn’t only our lack of concern of the common good that disturbs me. It’s also our lack of accountability. I spoke with a very intelligent young banker recently who told me that he encounters it all the time. During his time in risk management, he never heard anybody in foreclosure say, “I made a mistake taking that mortgage. It was too big.”

Instead of acknowledging their accountability—their responsibility to pay the debt—they just shrugged it off, merely mailing the key back to the mortgage holder. Contrast that with a biblical sense of responsibility, of paying your debts.

But this isn’t just about finances. No great civilization has ever been built, or maintained, on the basis “what’s in it for me?” That idea cannot demand, much less inspire, the necessary sacrifices to keep a civilization great, or even healthy—there’s nothing to aspire to apart from fleeting self-satisfaction.

As I said, I respect the principled opposition to the rescue plan by some members. But the fate of the economy is hanging in the balance. If the American people can’t look beyond the “me” and see the “we” with this much at stake, then much more than our retirement funds and our bank accounts are at risk."

WOW!

2008-10-01T12:30:00.004-04:00

Jak just said his first 3 word sentence: "Mommy eat cake!"

Hmm...is it that obvious that I like cake?! Don't answer that.

Actually, it was he who was eating the cake, not me. He was just offering to share. 'Atta boy!

"Trust Me."

2008-09-25T21:45:00.005-04:00

7ish in the morning, I wake with a sense of purpose for the day. I have a dentist appointment and some other errands to run, so I'm up and at 'em early so that I can get on the road on time.

Jeff lay sprawled out on our bed, breathing deeply and soundly. Jak is in his room, and I tiptoe around the bedroom into the hallway so as not to wake him.

My heart beats fast because I don't know what the next few minutes will bring.

I am nervous. Excited. Impatient.

My cycles were normal up to this point. Now I'm late. I have to take this test, this test that I've put out of my mind for over a week because I couldn't believe that we could be at this point already. I scramble around for it in the drawer, again trying not to wake my boys. I do not want Jeff to know until I know. I can't believe I've even kept it from him thus far.

I pee. I sit. I wait. I watch.

Two lines.

TWO LINES.

Oh my gosh, what are we going to do?! I smile at the wall, now knowing that there is another life inside of me, knowing that my inkling has become a reality, knowing that God has blessed us again without us even asking. Then, the tears come.

Am I really doing this? I am crying because I'm pregnant? What is wrong with me? I have dreamed all my life for these moments, moments in the stillness knowing that I am going to be a Mother. I can't believe I am crying!

These are not tears of joy. They are tears of fear.

What are we going to do? We aren't even sure where we are going to live, what Jeff is going to do with his job, what our goals are for next year! I haven't lost weight yet, I still want to get healthier before another baby.

And yet, I am excited in the midst of the fear tears.

I hear Jak stirring in the next room. Still in shock, I glance at the test and hide it away before Jeff sees it. I have to figure out how I'm going to tell him.

Jak is up, talking away, ready for me to greet him.

I leave the shade closed, the light off. I pick him up, my sweet, smiling boy. Mmm, you smell so good. Ok, I can do this again. He smiles at me. I whisper to him that he is going to be a big brother. The first to know after me. He smiles again. I hold him tight. My sweet baby boy.

We begin our routine: down the stairs and into the kitchen for milk, then into his seat for breakfast. I wander around aimlessly. It is over half an hour before I actually get him something to eat. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. This thought consumes me.

7:36 am I call my friend. I tell her through the fear tears, and she reassures me that God has ordained this moment, and He is in control. All I need to know is that there is a baby being created in my womb. He'll work out the details of all of my questions.

Jeff comes downstairs, greets us and sits for breakfast. I am quiet. Too quiet, I think, but he doesn't notice. Maybe he just thinks that I'm tired.

Still uncertain of how I will tell him, I decide that I will wait until Sunday to tell him, once he is back from his trip. That will give me a few days to let it sink in, and come up with a thoughtful way to share the news. I can do this. I can wait. And if I wait, then I can also pray that he'll be delighted and not scared like me. I can pray for God to prepare his heart in these next few days.

10ish am I am pregnant. I am pregnant. I am pregnant. It's the only thought running through my head. I smile and nod when spoken to, and I offer Jak some toys so that I don't look completely out of it in front of Jeff. I must not tell him yet. What if he's upset? Not ready? Afraid of the uncertainty surrounding us, like I am?

He speaks of his upcoming trip and asks me a question. Silence. He asks again. "What, honey?, I say." He asks again. "I'm pregnant."

I stand and wait. He looks at me from his seat, glances at my belly, looks up at me again and smiles one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen. He jumps from his seat, takes 2 steps to where I am, and says, "Really?!" "Yes."

I wait.

He takes me quickly in his arms and gives me a tight hug. I cry. I am relieved. I am overwhelmed. I am elated. The fear tears are gone and have been replaced with tears of pure joy, because we are having another child, because my husband is exactly the man that I need, exactly the man that I want. We are blessed. I am blessed.

I ask him my questions. I tell him my fears. He assures me that everything will be fine, it will all work out. I believe him. I trust him. I am so happy that I couldn't hold it in, because his reaction was exactly what I needed, and God knew that. He had prepared Jeff's heart before I could even pray about it, but He also prepared mine, if only I'd have stopped fretting.

"Trust Me, Kelly. Trust Me.", He echoed in my soul.

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My sweet baby boy is 4 months old today. It was 1 year ago today that I found out he was coming.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." -Psalm 28:7

WFMW

2008-09-24T07:00:00.002-04:00

This week's tip is sure to help when you've got yucky, stuck-on food all over your microwave and you have finally made up your mind to clean it up no matter how long it takes.

Lucky for you, it'll only take a few minutes if you follow my instructions:

Fill a small to medium sized glass bowl with water and add some fresh cut lemon (a half or less will do). If you want to be sassy, you can even squeeze it into the water first, but it's not necessary. If you're out of fresh lemons, then just add some lemon juice, but it might not be as fragrant as the fresh one.

Put prepared bowl into the microwave and run it for about 5 minutes.

Once finished, carefully remove the very hot bowl and wipe down the microwave with paper towels or a washcloth to remove all the gunk. The steam softens the mess and removal is super easy! No scrubbing, scraping or screaming need be involved!

That always works for me.

My "Hometown Hero"

2008-09-19T22:59:00.007-04:00

I had planned on posting this first thing this morning but our day was terribly chaotic. Though no longer the 19th of September over in Afghanistan, the sentiments are still the same.

**********************************************************************************

We met Steve when we moved into the house across the street from where he lived. It was a new neighborhood for us, and we were certain to make friends with the many kids our age there. Little did we know, moving onto that street was just a tiny piece of the puzzle that was to become our lives.

Stephen was the redheaded kid on the block. The middle child of a family of six, Steve was friendly, polite, and even somewhat shy when he was in my sister's presence. He was a typical boy, outside doing chores or playing whatever game of the day in the street, not to mention teasing people (me!) constantly. Yet, he'd be the first to stand up to a bully if there happened to be one around. Even though I knew that the tables could turn on me and I could soon be his object of torture, I felt safe when he was around.

I'm not sure exactly when it all happened, but he fast fell in love with my sister. He was 13.

I remember him bringing her flowers all the time, and the beautiful jewelry gifts she'd get for birthdays and holidays. Precious Moments were "in" back then and Tracy had at least 20 from him alone, all cutely displayed in her room as a testament of his love for her. While they dated, I learned a lot about the kind of man that I wanted to find by the way Stephen treated my sister: one that would fight for me, romance me, love me with total and utter abandon.

We all knew they'd get married, it was just a matter of time. It took almost 2 years to plan the wedding and in May of 1996, Tracy and Steve said their vows to love, honor and cherish one another no matter what.

12 years of marriage, 5 houses, 4 kids and 2 dogs later, they are still going strong.

This picture was taken 3 years ago at our wedding.

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Here are a few stories about Steve that I cherish.

While nannying in CT, I decided to take a trip to visit he and my sister where they were stationed in MD. After the funniest of travel stories (of which I will spare you during this post), Steve picked me up at the Baltimore train station. It was around 6am and he took a wrong turn. So, here we are, driving around in the purple minivan dubbed the "Plumvee" (Humvee, get it?) in the middle of the ghetto. And I mean the ghett-0. I could sense Steve was a bit lost--and nervous, when I spotted him out of the corner of my eye looking frantically around for some familiar route. I asked him, "Do you know where you're going?" "Kel, we're lost. We're in the ghetto. We gotta get out NOW." Did I feel safe then? Not so much. But, the the feeling returned once we arrived safely home.

Fast forward a few years. I'm living back in NY in my own home, pre-marriage days. I just cooked a scrumptious meal and had leftovers to take care of. Wait, did I say scrumptious? OK, not this story. This story's meal consisted of meat that was eaten (because, perhaps it was scrumptious),and a side dish of cabbage completely raw after hours of cooking. I'm not quite sure what I did wrong, but it doesn't matter. I put the cabbage, raw cabbage, down the toilet, because I remember my Mom sending us to the toilet with leftovers to flush down when I was young. Don't ask me why we did this, because it's not a practice that I'd recommend. Ah, I digress... So I flushed down my lousy meal's leftovers and ended up clogging the toilet. I mean, really clogging the toilet. Jeff and I both tried to fix it and it. wouldn't. budge. I called Steve, the master fixer upper of all things screwy, and he reluctantly came over after about 10 minutes of phone coaching to get the darn cabbage down! I can't quite put into words the looks that I got when he arrived--or when he left, but I can say that he and Jeff were able to help the cabbage along and the toilet was in working order again, less a few scratches from the 30 minute snaking. I am laughing just writing this.

Then there are the countless times he threw me into the swimming pool, fully clothed from my nicely styled hair down to my shoes...

But my favorite memory of my brother-in-law is this one:

After quite possibly the most crushing time in my family's life, Stephen offered me a sense of protection that still lingers to this day. I was sitting in my brother's living room, and the day was nearing an end. My Mom and siblings were present and red-eyed from crying, and Stephen walked into the room. He walked right up to me, whose head was down because I was afraid and embarrassed and stunned, and gave me the biggest bear hug ever. He cried and told me that he was sorry for what had happened, and that it would never, ever happen again. I believed him. I felt safe again. I felt as if my fears were gone because there was this man holding on to me so tightly, who loved my sister more than life and loved me just by association, and he wouldn't let anything happen to us ever again. By his simple gesture of a strong embrace, I felt so loved and cared for despite the turmoil surrounding us.

And today, I can say that I continue to feel loved and cared for by him despite the turmoil surrounding us all.

Steve is at war, in Afghanistan, right now. Today is his 35th birthday. And though I'd rather he be here in the states enjoying normalcy with his wife, boys and newborn daughter, I know that he is over there serving his country with honor and pride.

I look forward to seeing him soon, to introducing his namesake and my son, John Stephen, and to knowing that he is far from battle in the Middle East. But until then, I pray that God will keep him safe and keep him strong.

Happy Birthday, Steve. We miss you and we love you. Jeff reminds you to "Keep it between the ditches!"

The State of Maryland

2008-09-15T22:36:00.004-04:00

So what began as a quick trip to MD to visit while Jeff headed on to NC has been a wonderful reuniting with family and friends.

We are into our third day and although we are busy, things are going very smoothly, especially with the two little ones.

We arrived late Friday evening/very early Saturday morning. We didn't exactly intend on leaving so late but it actually worked out much better that way because the boys slept most of the way. There was some fog along the way but I chose to shut my eyes and trust Jeff to get us through it intact. (I hate fog while driving at night. Or maybe I just hate that when there is fog at night, my husband just plows right through it. Eek!) Good choice for me because instead of getting a stomach full of knots, I was able to catch some zzz's.

On Saturday we played with Grandma (Grandpa has been in LA) and got settled in before heading out at night to visit our dear friends, the Phipp's. We went to their house for dinner, and as usual, Belle made us feel like Royalty with her spread. Who knew that 7 layer salad and rigatoni could be so fancy? Love that girl. We share the same affection for hospitality and all things pretty, monogrammed and matching so we became fast friends. :) She was actually one of my only friends here in MD. I often talk about "my 3 friends" when I reference living in MD and she is one of them. In fact, I believe she may have been the first!

Sunday was a full day spent greeting acquaintances at our old church, and then heading out to Queenstown to see our old neighbors. That was fun! We hung out with neighbors Vance and Gina, and the kids played together. I met Gina shortly after she found out she was pregnant with her second child, Emma. Three short months later, I was telling her that I was pregnant with my second child! Since our boys are only 3 weeks apart it was very easy for us to become friends and relate to life with a baby-turned-toddler while being pregnant. Gina was also wonderful in helping me to get out for a bit here and there by lending me her sweet new Honda minivan and taking Jak for a few hours here and there. I am still so thankful to her for her willingness to ease the burden of loneliness while we lived here. I really believe the second year spent here was so much better in part by having a friend in such close proximity. You can't get too much closer than 3 houses down!

It was neat to go over the bridge (without summer traffic!) and to see all the sailboats in the Bay. The scenery is so beautiful and though I always thought it was beautiful when we lived here, knowing that we are where we belong, I now was able to see the beauty and enjoy it rather than wishing ourselves to be somewhere else. I have a lot to process about this trip and we're only a few days in!

Today we met up with another couple that is very special to us, the Lumley's. We cared for Abigayle quite a bit last year and she and Jak got to be good toddler friends. ;) We affectionately call them each others' boyfriend and girlfriend. The now 7 of us met at The Breakfast Shoppe and enjoyed some mostly adult conversation while the little ones played with their food. Alysia became my 3rd friend here in MD and I'm happy to say that although I had few friendships here, the ones that I was blessed with are ones that I believe will follow me for many years.

The rest of the day was spent playing with Grandma and napping. Yes, napping! I actually got a 2 hour nap! Have I mentioned how wonderful it is to have live in help? JoAnn has been wonderful with the kiddos. It's great to have a constant set of hands that aren't yours! Don't get me wrong, Jeff does his share, but it is quite different with a woman, another mother. Quite wonderful!

The rest of our days here will be spent with Belle, Alysia, and Gina, and spending time with Aunt Jenn before she leaves for CA. Grandma and Grandpa get first dibs on everything, of course, but luckily for me they go to work so I'm able to see some people while they are busy. We'll also be getting Jak out to play. I think we're going to the zoo once Daddy gets back! If so, I'll be sure to post some good pics. I do hope to stop in and surprise my awesome friend and midwife, Evelyn, so that she can see Jak and now little John-boy. I suppose it's not going to be much of a surprise if she happens to read this. Oh well.

As you can see, I'm not much in the mood for story telling tonight, and this post is more of an update on our trip than anything, but I am pondering a lot and hope to post about it as I am able to process it more.

Until then, life is good. It's good to be back. It's good to know that we aren't staying. It's good to have healing. Life is good.

Happy Birthday, Jeff!

2008-09-10T09:23:00.007-04:00

We love you more than life and are so thankful for you!

Love,
Kelly, Tiny 1 and Tiny 2

(Four generations of Knapp men: Jak, Jeff, Bruce (Jeff's Dad) and Floyd (Jeff's Grandfather; February 2007).

Pat-A-Cake

2008-09-06T22:11:00.005-04:00

Happy Anniversary, My Love!

2008-09-03T23:45:00.006-04:00

Three years ago today I spoke these words before God and our loved ones:

"I Kelly, take thee Jeffery, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do us part. This is my solemn vow."

And it still is.

Jeffery,

You are my rock.

You are my lover.

You are silent strength.

You are my dreaming partner.

You are my moving buddy. ;)

You are my secret keeper.

You are my strongest supporter.

You are my happiness sharer.

You are my devoted and prayerful husband.

You are the knowing glance from across the room.

You are the king of the grill.

You are the scrubber of the pots.

You are the rubber of my shoulders.

You are the kiss on my forehead.

You are the fingers intertwined with mine.

You are the strong arms around me.

You are the soft touch that caresses me.

You are the voice that cheers me on.

You are the mind that believes in me.

You are the stability that I crave.

You are the silliness when no one else is around.

You are the daddy who snuggles.

You are the laughter in our home.

You are the thrower of the ball.

You are the hero of my sons.
You are the provider for our family.

You are the whisper in my ear.

You are the chills down my back.

You are the warmth on a cold day.

You are the knowledge that I seek.

You are the comfort I love coming home to.

You are the shoulder that I cry on.

You are the unconditional love that I cherish.

You are the man of my dreams.

You are the knight of my heart.

You are the love of my life.

You are God's gift to me.

Jeffery, there is no one else I'd rather be with on this adventure. Thank you for your steadfast patience and unconditional love.

I Love You and am ever Thankful that God knew exactly what I needed when He gave me you.

Proverbs 3:3

WFMW #1

2008-09-02T23:26:00.000-04:00

Today's WFMW is backwards style. Instead of me posting a tip that works for me, I want to hear from you on how to put together (and execute!) a family budget!

Do you do weekly or monthly budgeting? Do you balance the budget and accounts alone, does your husband do it all, or do you do it with your husband as a team? Do you do paper or online statements? What works for you?

If you need some background, we are a budding family of 4: my husband--the breadwinner, myself--the homemaker and our two little boys. Modest house, one car (soon to be two), no pets. We try to live debt free and don't really spend a lot on outside entertainment except outings with the kids or the occasional splurge for us.

Have at it, Ladies!

WFMW #2

2008-09-02T23:25:00.000-04:00

Here's another one: Meal Planning.

Weekly?

Monthly?

Farmer's Market?

Small grocery stores?

Club stores like BJ's, Costo, Sam's?

All of the above or wherever the price is right?

Do you have a chart or list that you write it all on?

What works for you?

Labor Day

2008-09-01T13:06:00.006-04:00

Playing along with Shannon and sharing the hardest work I've ever done! Here's a meme about the kind of labor you don't get a day off for!

How long were your labors?

Kid #1 about 14 hours
Kid #2 about 4 hours (I get satisfaction just writing that)

How did you know you were in labor?

Kid #1 mild contractions (textbook labor)
Kid #2 I thought maybe I could be starting labor when I woke up with very mild contractions, but then they came and went throughout the day. They came a bit more forcefully around 4pm but were still quite infrequent, sometimes spaced out a few hours. I figured the real deal would start at night when the barometric pressure dropped, and I was right. At around 8pm, they were quite strong although still sporadic. They became regular at around10pm. My Mom, who came over for dinner with her dog, kept telling me to call my midwife but I insisted on waiting a bit longer just to make sure. I finally called at 11ish. And yes, my Mom ended up staying and the dog watched the entire thing from the couch.

Where did you deliver?

Kid #1 at home in Maryland, on the bed
Kid #2 at home in New York, in the birthing pool

(I had always hoped to be able to deliver my babies in the peace and intimacy of my home, and am so blessed to be able to say that I did and each experience was more than I ever dreamed of!)

Drugs?

No, drugs scare me.

C-section?

No

Who delivered?

I delivered my babies!!! My midwife in MD caught Jak, and I caught John here in NY with my midwife verbally coaching me. John's entire birth was unassisted and it was amazing!

These are quite possibly the worst pictures of me and my hubby ever (and I cannot believe I am posting them!!), but the feeling I get from looking at them makes my heart surge. Aren't our boys precious? I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

I hope to write thier entire birth stories soon, so check back!

WDWFMS

2008-08-30T23:18:00.005-04:00

I though in addition to my last WFMW post, I could add another one, except it would involve two more additions. First off, it's What Doesn't Work For Me, and secondly, it's Saturday instead of Wednesday.

Here you go:

Scott's toilet paper does NOT work for me.

During our last run to BJ's, Jeff and I decided to try out a new type of toilet paper. Well, let me rephrase that, Jeff decided to try out a new type of toilet paper. I wasn't too keen on the idea but thought that maybe it could work. Who knows, maybe I'd be pleasantly surprised!

We typically buy Charmin--the real cushy kind--but thought since the cost was almost cut in half by choosing Scott's, we'd give it a shot. Perhaps we could stop being toilet paper snobs and convert to the cheap stuff all while saving $5 bucks.

Not.gonna.happen.again. Ever.

This "stuff", I can hardly call it toilet paper without wincing, is like a type of grit that has absolutely no absorbency to it whatsoever. Not only does it feel scratchy in your hand but it doesn't feel so good down in your nether regions, either! Now, if you're a guy and don't really need it all that often, I'm sure it can be OK. But, women use this stuff every time they go, so it's imperative that the stuff work!

At this rate, if I want to save money on toilet paper, I should go out and cut some leaves, put them in a pretty little basket in the bathroom, and call it a day.

Did I mention that Scott's doesn't work for me? Does anyone need any? Because we have about 17 more rolls left...

WFMW--Continued

2008-08-27T22:38:00.004-04:00

Well, I posted my Works For Me Wednesdays post and have gotten a lot of excited reviews about people trying my baking soda idea. I hope I don't disappoint!

I just want to clarify (because I'm afraid that if the bloggers try my tip and their laundry isn't stain free I may be kicked off of WFMW forever!!) that the baking soda tip doesn't always remove all stains. In my experience, it's removed blood, breastfed baby poop (you can't even tell the baby leaked all the way up his back kind of poop!), spit up, food stains, etc.

I have found it lightens the armpit yellow caused by the chemical reaction between the deodorant and the laundry detergent, and makes that armpit area softer, if it's been hardened. {Gross, I know.} I can deal with the armpit yellow as long as its light and isn't stiff as a board. Otherwise, the t-shirt goes into the rag bin!

As for how much to use, about a 1/2 cup will do the trick. You can use a measuring cup or just any old cup or scooper laying around. Once you do a load or two, you'll get the gist and figure out how much works for you (pun intended). I have an HE washer so I know that the water isn't always the same for each load, depending on the size. I tailor the useage to fit the load size.

And if by chance I do see that the stain I'm trying to get out is still there, even if it is lighter, then I rewash it next load around but this time, in addtion to the baking soda, I add a scoop of OxiClean. After that, it's a pretty safe bet to say that my clothes will be stain free, and still not faded!

Try it, and get back to me to let me know how it works!

p.s. Memarie Lane--I have never cut down on the detergent itself, but it's probably not a bad idea. Try it and see if you notice a difference. I also use A & H laundry detergent (I like that it's biodegradable, plus it whitens and smells good) and I find that it works just as well as regular detergent with adding the baking soda. If I've got a particularly dirty load, then I just add the soda anyways and I'm pleased with the end results.

Whoopsie!

2008-08-27T11:47:00.002-04:00

I was excited to be getting a bit ahead in my blogging and forgot to change the time and date stamp on one of my posts, so my Wednesday post ended up being shown posted on Monday (the day I wrote it). Scroll down to read all about baking soda at the Works For Me Wednesday blog carnival!

Frequent Phrases Heard at Our House

2008-08-26T07:00:00.000-04:00

"Jak, come here please."
"Hi, Baby!"
"What's for dinner?"
"Poop?"
"He's hungry."
"I'm hungry."
"Can you take him?"
"Phone!"
"Ball? Ball? Ball?" (can you guess who says that one?!)
"Weet, weet" (Jak telling me there's birdies outside)
"Wahhhhhh."
"He needs new pants, he stinks."
"Could you get me some water/ice cream/a tissue, please?"
"I love you."
"Huggers for Daddy."
"Where's Jak?"
"Where's John?"
"Let's go outside!"
"Time for a nap!!!" (spoken by the excited parent in charge)
"Who's here, Jak?"
"Woof woof!"
"HONEY! Could you c'mere please?"
"Baby!"
"Where's the phone?"
"Be careful."
"Could you please rotate the laundry for me?"
"I could go for a steak right about now."
"I need a nap."
"What do you want to do today?"
"You are so beautiful."

Works For Me Wednesdays

2008-08-25T23:38:00.008-04:00

**I just updated the original post with some answered questions, so go to my archives and look for "WFMW--Continued" to continue reading about using baking soda in your laundry.

Here in the mommy-blog world, there is a weekly event (among several) called Works For Me Wednesdays. Basically, the idea is that on Wednesday you post a little tip you've learned on any (G-rated) topic--anything that has "worked for you" in making your life easier.

Well, I am finally going to participate in this!

My WFMW topic is baking soda. We all have baking soda to satisfy various needs like baking, cleaning out drains with vinegar, neutralizing our refrigerator or freezers, etc. Well, my favorite use for baking soda, apart from the goodies that I end up with after using it to bake with, is using it in my laundry.

That's right friends, I put it in my laundry loads! With each wash, I take a scoop of baking soda from my huge $5.99 bag from BJ's and throw it into our trusty new Whirlpool Duet washer. (I really enjoy my new washer and dryer:))

Anyways, I throw it into the wash bin and let it help clean our clothes along with the regular detergent that I put into the little detergent drawer up top. I am not exactly sure how it works but all I can say is that it does wonders!

*Ever get that lovely mustard-like infant poop on clothes/towels/sheets? Sure you have! Baking soda takes it all out without so much as having to scrub it.

*Ever have that awful musty smell in your dishtowels/rags or even worse--your bath towels--that once you use said towel, you end up smelling just like that musty stink? Baking soda and hot water will neutralize that odor causing bacteria and wash it right out. Fresh towels can be enjoyed again!

*Ever have a husband around who likes to wear undershirts every day? Of course you do! And I'm sure your husband, like 99% of other husbands in the world, sweats like crazy. So, not only does the deodorant leave a nice yellow stain on the armpit of the shirt, but the sweat leaves something for you, too. Once again, baking soda in the load of whites does the trick. It helps take the stains out while making your whites brighter and your laundry smelling fresher.

Love baking soda. And, it works for me!

For more WFMW, go to Rocks In My Dryer.

Coming Out

2008-08-24T22:35:00.004-04:00

August is here and I feel like summer still has yet to come! Not for lack of sun here in Buffalo, but just because I feel like I'm starting to come out from under my rock.

When you have a baby, there is this thing called "transition". Well, for some reason, I figured this transition wouldn't be quite as difficult because we were in a familiar zone. We already did this baby thing, how hard could it be to do it again?

Haha.

Having John wasn't hard, but I didn't transition seamlessly like I thought I would. And why, you ask, did I think I'd go seamlessly into Motherhood x2? Not sure, really. Teaching, varied professional nanny jobs, having 10--count 'em, 10--nieces and nephews before I was pregnant with my first child all were pretty good reasons of why I thought I could do this with more than one child with my eyes closed.

I wasn't arrogant, but I think I was just sure of myself in my mothering capabilities. Well, there is nothing like having one child crying because he wants you to hold him and the other child crying because he wants you to let go of him, all at the same time, to make you think twice about your limits.

There have been times where I've sat on the floor holding the one son while playing with the other. I've sat on the floor nursing one son while eating fishies with the other. And, I'm happy to report that there have been times where I sat on the floor holding a crying baby while corraling the other baby who is crying, all while having a good little cry myself.

I'm happy to report that fact because it means that I am normal. Ahh...having bad days where there is spit up on your shirt and on the floor that you just mopped is normal. Crying babies (plural) is normal. Messy houses, pb&j dinners, staying in your pj's all day long until you get the chance to shower at 10pm, your husband handing you the breast pad you've been frantically searching for, this is all normal.

Having kids grows you. It stretches you. It refines you. It tears apart every notion and belief you thought you were sure of, so that you either stand firm in that belief because now you are sure of it beyond the shadow of a doubt, or you rid yourself of it because it just doesn't make sense anymore.

Having kids gives you moments where you realize that the earth will still spin if you do not have it all together. Because in those moments, you realize that your husband still thinks you are beautiful even though the spit up is still on your shirt, your precious children think you are Super Woman because you make the best pb&j's around, and your pj's are kinda sexy even if you do wear them all day long. I am having alot of those moments lately. And I'm loving the freedom I find in them.

Whether you are under a rock, under a pile of laundry, or under the weight of the pressure you put upon yourself for being x, y or z, get out! I am.

My Sweet 3 Month Old

2008-08-24T22:30:00.003-04:00

Not Gone

2008-08-22T01:02:00.001-04:00

Uggh. I am so bad at posting frequently. Every day, my friends, every day I have a new post idea. Can someone please give me more hours in the day? I'd really appreciate it.

Hang in there. I'm coming back.

Boys, Oh Boy

2008-08-04T15:59:00.003-04:00

I am in for it. Any Mother of two boys is.

This morning, I walked into the living room to see Jak hugging (read: grabbing and squeezing tightly) the baby, who was resting comfortably in the swing. We have the Fisher-Price Cradle Swing, which hangs from one pole and the weight limit is 25 pounds. Considering that John now weighs 16 (yes, 16!!) pounds and Jak is certainly more than the extra 10 needed to exceed the limit, my heart sinks every time I hear the swing creak, for I know that Jak is 'loving' on his brother.

Such was the case this morning, and as I walked over to remove him, I saw the baby smiling as Jak gave me this devilish grin. It's like they were saying, "Just wait, Mom. We've got big plans."

Motherly Love

2008-07-16T22:29:00.001-04:00

Brotherly Love

2008-07-16T22:17:00.001-04:00

My 7 Week Old

2008-07-16T21:59:00.004-04:00

My 20 Month Old

2008-07-16T21:35:00.005-04:00

Life As We Know It

2008-07-16T20:40:00.008-04:00

Is it already July??? Where is the time going? Oh yes, to throwing balls, playing with sand, changing diapers, nursing, managing sleep schedules, making lunch, refilling sippy cups, burping the baby, grocery shopping and the occasional shower for me in order to stay awake!

The time is certainly flying by, and I'm trying to savor every second I can. It feels like every time I look away, something new happens and I've almost missed it. The boys are both growing by leaps and bounds and each day brings about so many sweet moments.

Jak is just about 20 months old now. 20 months! Jeff and I are loving this stage and learning a lot about how to deal with a toddler. Some days are just peachy and some days are just down right hard. But we're surviving!

Jak is broadening his vocabulary each day. He still has his standard word bank each day, consisting of: uh-oh, bye-bye, oh jeez, ball, hot, cold, baby, Mama, Dada, Nana, Oui-Oui (our friend's nickname), Mimi (Aunt Emily), yes, no, more, milk, chips, down, please (pees), muh (kiss), and poop (he has told us for the past two days each time he's gone...I think I see toilet training in the near future!). Add to those words new words he tries out every day. I love watching him grow and learn, and seeing how his brain processes things. What a joy it is to watch your son discover something new, like how to put his shoes on or pull his pants up! Simple things to us adults, but so exciting for little ones!

Big brother *loves* his little brother to pieces. Jak would kiss and hug the baby nonstop if I let him. He often gives John his pacifier which ironically makes the baby cry (Jak means well, but is a bit forceful). Then we go through the standard speech that the baby doesn't need (or like) the "sucker" and to put it down, to which Jak then will test it out in his own mouth before giving it to Mommy. There's also the scenario of John sleeping peacefully before Jak decides he wants to rudely awaken him. And I mean rude. Who wouldn't hate a screaming toddler shaking the bed violently? We now have invested in a second sound machine, along with a door lock and pinch guard (which prevents the door from being closed) for John's room. See, we have to both prevent the door from being opened and closed with Jak around. What fun!

And then we have John. John is such a sweet addition to our family. He is a mellow baby, just like his big brother was, and for the most part pretty easy to figure out now. He's almost 8 weeks and weighs about 14 pounds! I can't believe how fast he has grown! He is wearing things already that Jak was in at the end of 3 months. This boy isn't even 2 months yet! We have a dr. appt. next week; I'm eager to see what his real weight and length are from the dr.'s measurements and not our own. His sweet baby hair is starting to fall out much to my dismay. It's still pretty fluffy but is thinning daily. I hope he doesn't lose it all! And those cheeks! Well, they aren't going anywhere fast and I don't' want them to! They are delicious!

He eats pretty frequently for a big little guy, about every 2 hours. This boy is like clockwork! I noticed yesterday during my meltdown (I'm saving that for another post!) that I wasn't eating well or drinking enough water to satisfy my boy; my milk didn't seem like it was coming enough. Today, I've been diligent about getting 3 meals in with some healthy snacking in between, and the water intake is better. It seems like I'm producing more already, so I need to keep up the good work.

Jeff and I stay busy around here with housework, outdoor work, and day-job work for Jeffery. We are both tired, but I'm not sure we'd have it any other way. We have a warm home, yummy and abundant food, clean clothes and water, and two healthy babies to love and who love us back unconditionally. Thank God for that unconditional part, because as parents (somewhat new ones at that!) we screw up. A lot more than we'd like to admit. But that's the thing, the more we screw up, the more we learn about how not to screw up the next time. There is grace, forgiveness and unconditional love that comes with each mistake, and we can live with that as we learn!

Happy Birthday, Baby!

2008-06-25T22:42:00.005-04:00

John is 1 month old today!

Time is flying by! It's hard to believe that a month ago we were wondering when the baby would come and how labor would go, and what kind of baby we'd have on our hands, and here we are with all of those questions answered!

The past month has been wonderful, although tiring. The four of us are steadily adjusting to life with John and as the time passes, the routine comes with more ease than the day before.

John is a great little man. He is a good eater and mostly a good sleeper, as long as he's been burped for a good long while before being put down. I am learning that he likes to sleep on his belly or in the swing, so we are trying out the belly position much to the American Academy of Pediatrics' disgust. The swing works great for daytime use (as long as Jak doesn't decide he wants to wake the baby up!) but I don't want to get into that routine for nighttime. I'm big on sleep, for my kids but also for Jeff and I. A rested family is a happy family and the sooner we can get into a good sleep routine, the better. I learned that the first time around. ;)

As far as eating goes, John has proven to be a champ. He has gained over 3 pounds in a month! He weighed in today at 12.3 pounds (birth weight was 8.10) and Dr. Jerry was thrilled with that. I'm not used to such a big baby; it took Jak about 2-3 months to get to the size that John is now at 1 month! Both boys are in the 97th percentile for height, and although Jak is big, his weight is pretty low for what his height is. I'm not sure if John will take the same route or not, but for now he's definitely on the larger side! And yet his hands and bone structure overall seem smaller. Who knows. He's got these great cheeks and I just love to squeeze them every day. He's still pretty hairy but I do see some strands fall out from time to time. I hope he doesn't lose it, I just love his fluffy head.

One of my favorite things about having a new baby is watching them take in the world. John loves to look around, especially when a new person walks in the room. He has started to coo and smile, which are just the sweetest things. I'll see if I can't get a video of him doing that soon.

Jak is doing quite well with his new brother. He wants to love on him all the time, offering hugs and kisses and even John's teddy or paci when needed. Many times, Jak goes over to where John is to give him a toy/book/sippy cup, etc. and he gets so frustrated when John can't grab it. Jak even goes so far as to put the item in John's hand (which doesn't stay there, of course) only to watch it fall out. Poor Jak, he doesn't understand yet that John can't hold it, but we keep reminding him.

Here's a cute story: Last week as I was preparing dinner, the baby was in the bouncy seat and Jak was running around. He noticed that John had his paci in his mouth and decided that he wanted it instead. Jak took the baby's paci and put it in his mouth, and John started to cry immediately. Jak said, "uh-oh", takes it out of his mouth, puts it back into John's, and John continued sucking on it as if nothing ever happened.

John was happy to be sucking again. Jak was happy John stopped crying. Mommy was happy that both boys were happy. Daddy was happy that Jak learned compassion for his brother. All was well with the world again.

Babies, Babies Everywhere!

2008-06-08T21:16:00.006-04:00

Step into our world for a little while and you'll notice some similarities between family members, namely my sister Tracy and I.

First off, we both have blue eyes. Secondly, we love a cozy, tidy home. And the newest similarity you'll see is that we both are the mother of a 2 week old baby. Not the same baby, mind you, but two new babies, born within two days of each other!

John was born on May 25th, which we all were expecting. His arrival came without a hitch. Two days later, almost to the minute, a precious little girl was born into the world, also without a hitch and also at home! Tracy got the early morning phone call that her dream had come true--someone chose them as a family for their baby girl.

Here are the pictures of Olivia Suzanne meeting John for the first time.

I especially love the last shot of all of our boys looking in on the two new little ones. They are so sweet, so lovingly looking at the "twins" as they've been called.

"Children are a gift from the Lord..." Psalm 127:3

Indeed, they are.

Sweet Baby Boy

2008-05-29T11:11:00.002-04:00

He's Here!

2008-05-27T21:40:00.005-04:00

Our hearts are overflowing with joy as we welcome our new son into the world!

John Stephen Knapp arrived on May 25, 2008 at 1:58am. He was born in the peacefulness of our home, after a speedy labor and delivery. He weighed in at 8 pounds, 10 ounces, and measures 21 inches long.

He is perfect in every way and we are loving the full head of black hair he has!

Thank you Lord for this precious gift You've given us.

Lady in Waiting

2008-05-23T23:22:00.005-04:00

Well, I made it once again to the 40 week mark.

Today is my due date according to my LMP although an early sonogram predicted that my due date was May 29th, based on the baby's size at that time. I'm hoping to go before then, as I don't think I can grow any more, let alone become more mobile in the weeks ahead. My mobility/agility level is that of a 92 year old woman. At least that's how I feel right about now.

I went to get adjusted today and Dr. Crack-Crack did something to my pelvis and I can hardly walk now! I'm not sure how I'm going to labor with this sort of pain; in fact, I'd rather be in labor than have this sort of pain. It's excruiciating.

I'm hoping to wake tomorrow morning with my body feeling back to normal. Well, as normal as a full term Momma can feel!

Here are my "due date pics" for you all to smirk at. :) Yes, I am huge. I keep repeating to myself: "Big and beautiful!"

Savoring Tiny

2008-05-20T16:26:00.000-04:00

Tiny is a nickname that Jeff affectionately gave to Jak during the first few weeks of his life. Indeed, he was tiny. And a tiny version of Jeff as well. I laughed a bit because I figured the name would stick and that as Jak got bigger, he'd 'outgrow' it for sure. I could just picture him at at 17, tall and broad, tackling people on the football field as the crowd chants, "Ti-ny! Ti-ny!"

In these last few days of my pregnancy I find my thoughts constantly turning to the fact that soon there will be another Tiny in the house and I won't be able to spend hours upon hours investing in my one and only son anymore. This makes me quite wistful and to be honest, I wasn't really expecting to feel this way. I guess I hadn't thought about what the transition to two children would look like, at least not emotionally.

The closer we get to D-Day, the more I try to relish these days, these precious moments where Jak is our only child, our only focus, our only pride and joy.

(Let me add that none of this is to take away the feeling of blessedness that we have about soon receiving a second son. We are overjoyed to be welcoming another little one into the world, and are so excited to meet him any day now. We look forward to the time we'll have with him, wathcing him grow into his own person and then watching the two boys play together, amongst other things.)

Here are some recent moments I've captured for our enjoyment, as well as yours, as we try to savor the time we have left with our first Tiny man.

Jak's First Hair Cut!

2008-05-20T16:11:00.003-04:00

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Well, I finally did it. Took some time, some coercing and some pouting (by me, not Jak!) but I finally did it. The back of his little head was starting to become more shag than curls, so I had to chop it. I would've waited had the rest of his hair grown as fast as the back, but it just wasn't. Here are the before and after pics. He looks like a boy now rather than a baby. :( (Can you tell Mommy's having a hard time letting go??)

Big Boy Things

2008-05-20T15:45:00.006-04:00

Daddy made an awesome steak dinner on our new grill a few days ago. Jak is a meat lover like his parents, and he enjoyed that juicy steak as much as we did! He also got his first cob of corn to nibble on. I realized that I didn't need to cut the corn off of the cob anymore since he was a "big boy" and as usual--he loved it.

Jak has entered the climbing phase of his toddler years. Yay. Each morning he likes to climb up on a "big boy chair" and pick out his banana. I peel it for him and he eats it like a little grown up.

One of the things I think that is very important for little ones is them learning how to occupy themselves from time to time, to play independently. While Mommy has some down time, Jak goes into his crib for his own down time.

One day last week, I walked in to check on him and found that he was lining up all of his animals against the wall where they wouldn't fall down. I thought this very clever of him, despite the marks all over the newly painted wall. He loves to line them up all the time now, just to tear them down and do it all over again!

Mmm...Salsa!

2008-05-20T15:32:00.003-04:00

"Hmm this looks good."

"Try it, Mom!"

"I like it Dad! I do!"

"Would YOU like some?"

We went out to dinner a few weeks ago to a Mexican place, and it was very good! Jak had his first taste of salsa and loved it! He even dipped his granola bar into it, you know, to get a different perspective on the whole salsa thing. Still loved it!

39 Weeks

2008-05-17T00:13:00.003-04:00

...and counting! We are all doing great. At times I feel like I just cannot wait any longer for this baby, but there are just as many times that I know he will come when he is ready and the more time he spends tucked in my womb, the better the transition afterward.

I can tell that my body is getting ready and will spare you the details of how I know, but let's just say, a woman knows. And so does her husband, because she (likely) complains a lot at this point of the pregnancy!

At my 38 week visit, everything was on target: blood pressure, heart tones, measurements, etc. The baby is still moving quite a bit and everyone who feels my tummy loves to feel his little foot sticking out of my right side. He's had his bottom felt by a dozen people so far, if not more! It's the most prominent part of him that I can point out at this point!

We wonder what little John will look like, what color his hair will be and how big he'll be (I think I'm the one who mostly wonders that), what color his eyes will end up as, and if he'll have Daddy's plush lips. I hope so! One thing is for sure, we'll find out soon!

The Scoop

2008-05-12T21:04:00.005-04:00

Well, I can't believe May is here already, but it is. Where did the time go? Little baby boy will be here any day now, the weather is getting warmer, the flowers are dotting the ground, we are moved in and mostly settled, and life is just plain good. Spring is here.

Our house now looks like a home, thanks to the help of many people who come weekly to work on it for us. :) Thank God for family! We still have some minor decorating to do, but for the most part, things are looking pretty good. A lot of our projects are coming to an end as well, and the house looks completely different from when we moved in. I wish I had taken before and after pictures. We still have other projects yet to start, but we've gotten a good handle on things for the small amount of time we've been here, and all before the baby arrives, which was the goal. We couldn't have done it without the help we've had, and are so thankful to everyone who came to clean, paint, unpack, decorate, paint some more, and for those who've occupied Jak as well. I will post pictures soon, but you know me, not until the rooms are completely "finished". Which they almost are. :)

Jeff is enjoying his job more and more, and I can see that he is becoming much more comfortable with the things he's been learning in it. God has been very good to us: this job was literally thrown into his lap, so that makes it neat to know he is doing what he's supposed to for right now. He is also trying to trade on the side and still finds that job wise, he's most passionate about that. I'm so proud of him and the way that he works so hard to enable me to stay at home and care for him and the boys. It's such a gift, a dream come true, and I am ever grateful.

I am feeling well. Approaching the 39th week of pregnancy already and ready to meet my new little man. I did have some minor contractions on Friday night into Saturday morning, but they went away as soon as I got up and started the day. We were disappointed but hey, the more that happens now, the less that happens later on! At least that's what I'm hoping for!

My swelling has kept at bay, and I've been better about resting a bit more than I normally do. I get occasional heartburn but not every day, which has been a relief. The belly is quite large, and I'm not sure it can get any bigger but I don't dare say that out loud in case it just might. The baby is measuring on time and I feel like he's taken up every single inch of space that he possibly can! His movements now are hard and painful but again, I know it's almost time for him to come so it's not so bad. I'll miss feeling him inside of me and having the intimate relationship as only a Mother and Child can have during pregnancy. What a miracle.

I was reading my previous blog the other day (www.kellyjoan.blogspot.com), trying to remember how I felt at this point in my pregnancy with Jak, when I read one particular post. I was 40 weeks pregnant and all of my time and energy was focused on having my first baby. I wrote:

"In other thoughts, I've been thinking a bit on how right now, this baby is in the Lord's presence...right there! How neat. No wonder it is taking it's time to enter the world. I think I'd want to wait a bit, too! I thought about this the entire pregnancy, that the only person to really know this baby was God, and how intricately He knows him/her. He is the only One who has seen and soon we'll be welcomed into the picture, but all of this time, this created soul has been hanging out with the Almighty. That's really pretty cool and I can't quite get my head wrapped around it."

As I think about this baby right now, my thoughts turn to the same thing...that he (John Stephen) is in the presence of the Lord. WOW. That stills my heart. We can never know what that will be like until we die, and yet this baby is living through me and in me and yet is with the Lord right now. Hard to understand but awesome to think about. I feel blessed beyond words, that God would have me to be a Mother. A humble yet extraordinary calling, and I can think of nothing else I'd rather do.

And while I'm on the topic of Mothering, let me just say that my husband did a wonderful job of making me feel special this Mother's Day. He gave me a day at the premier spa in town so that I could be pampered for 5 hours!!! I got some beautiful flowers as well, which I've been meaning to take a picture of for days now...they reminded me of our wedding flowers because they were gorgeous colors of greens, creams and pinks. Fragrant, too! And on the actual day of Mother's Day, I was not to lift a finger and I tried hard to follow his request. Ok, so it wasn't that hard. He took care of Jak so that I could relax all day, and while we celebrated at my sister's house with the family, he was cooking and cleaning and setting up desserts while I sat there! I really could get used to that! All in all it was a very nice day and he did a great job making me feel so loved.

As for Jak-man, he is growing like a weed and we are loving watching him get older. I miss my tiny baby boy, but watching him grow is like watching a flower blossom--as corny as it sounds. Everyday he does something new and he is now more of a little boy than a baby. I get so nostalgic these days, I can't imagine how I'll be in 3 years when he goes to Kindergarten, or in 16 years as he heads off to college! He is now climbing which I could do without, but hey, he's a boy. He runs throughout the house like a madman, screaming and laughing as he goes from room to room. I'm sure we'll have to tweak that once the baby comes but I do love watching him do this. :) He tries new sounds/words every few days, and when you tell him to say "yes" he becomes a little bobblehead. His hair flops and he giggles as his head goes up and down. The actual word "yes" never comes out, but this bobblehead will do just fine for now.

He got some cool animal toys for his birthday and has just recently begun to play with them. During his 'independent play time' in his crib (read: Mommy's alone time to clean/shower/read/email/cook/lay down) he will line them all up along his crib rail and make all kinds of animal sounds. Then he'll carefully take them down, put them back in the basket, and do the entire routine all over again. Very cute. He also started playing with his Mega Bloks and enjoys building them just to knock them down. Must be a boy thing, because for me, I'd like to build them and stand back to say, "ahh, how pretty!" Guess I'd better change my way of thinking.

We took him with us into church yesterday instead of leaving him in the nursery. He was so cute with his little seersucker blazer and saddle shoes on, and since it was Mother's Day, I wanted him to be with us. He sat between Jeff and I in the pew and was the best behaved little boy. He "sang" and clapped and watched the screen, and when he got restless we gave him his teddies and pacifier and he stayed calm. The man behind us remarked on how well behaved he was and we agreed, proud parents that we are.

Well, I think that's all the news that's fit to print for now. Life is good and is about to get better, if not more tiring!

9 Months

2008-05-08T13:30:00.004-04:00

You know you're at the end of your pregnancy when you walk right into the door frame, hitting it hard with the enormous belly that's in front of you, and stand there, shocked, because you never expected to be so clumsy in all your life.

Days Go By...

2008-05-02T14:00:00.003-04:00

Here is a shot of Jak watching the world go by from the nursery. He loves that the windows are short enough that he can look out whenever he wants! (He's actually watching the neighbor mow the lawn.) I wish you could see how the wind is making his hair flow...it's so cute!

Video

2008-05-01T08:25:00.001-04:00

OK, so I don't know how to do this as well as I thought....Jeff is going to fix the video problem later today. Stay tuned!

Thank You, Grandma!!!

2008-04-29T22:21:00.002-04:00

Grandpa Knapp came to visit us for a little while this week and he brought presents for his favorite little man. Jak was so excited about them. I know that Grandma is going to love watching this! Thank you for the goodies!

Fun in the Tub

2008-04-29T21:29:00.003-04:00

I finally made some effort--in the form of asking Jeff--to locate some batteries for my camera so that I could post some pictures!

Here is Jakman enjoying his new tub toys. We've had these since our baby shower but I thought he'd bite the heck out of them (they are foam) once I brought them out, so they've stayed safely in the closet. Now that he's mostly through the biting stage, I felt he needed a change. Sure enough, he loved them!

All Done!

2008-04-21T14:53:00.002-04:00

Or, if you're Jak, instead of saying "all done", you throw your hands up in the air on each side and look around. :)

We are all done with the move. Thank God.

There are still projects to be started or finished, but we are done with bringing stuff over and getting things unpacked.

This move seemed to be really trying for some reason. Maybe it's because I'm about 9 months pregnant and completely drained. Or, it could be because we have a very busy toddler. Did I say very busy? Yes, I did. Very busy. Or maybe it's just that we are all moved out. 4 moves in 2 years, that's enough to stop anyone from ever moving again! Well, no matter what the reason, we are exhausted!

I still have not made an effort to find fresh batteries and have missed so many adorable picture moments for Jak. Like this morning, when the plumber was here, Jak was right up in the mix, trying to see what he was doing and trying to "fix" it right along with him. Then, I told him to back off a little bit and instead of hovering over the man, Jak laid down on his belly right next to him to make sure he didn't miss anything. Too darn cute. Or, there was the time the other day, when he fed himself an entire cup of chocolate pudding, all by himself, with a spoon! He made a mess, of course, but it was actually a pretty neat mess, if there is such a thing. He was so proud of himself.

I've got to get those batteries.

So, that's the scoop here. Not too exciting but at least it's an update for a change.

In the Midst of the Move

2008-04-08T22:51:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been 3 weeks since we made the big move from Maryland to NY. Mom has been so gracious to allow us to stay with her, and it's working out very nicely. We have our own little "suite" in the basement, and Jak has his own room as well, right next to Mom's.

Since we've been back, we haven't been able to catch up with friends and most of my family because of the flu that seemed to last forever, and now all of the preparation for the move next week. It's OK though, once we're in our house and settled, we'll start the catching up. For once, there is no rush!

We got the keys to our house on the 31st of March and we were pleasantly surprised by the way the previous tenants left it. We went in the following day to clean it and start painting.

As of today, all of the painting is done except the bathroom and back hallway. My Mom is tediously working on priming and painting the woodwork to help make the house look updated. What a job. I've been unpacking some kitchen boxes and by the weekend, I hope to be able to hang some curtains up, as long as the woodwork is dry. Jeff worked his toosh off painting most of the house, and it looks great.

We are eager to move in! Our target is to be living there next weekend. It was supposed to be this weekend but there is still a ton of little stuff to do, so in order to avoid feeling pressure, we allowed ourselves another week. I'm glad we did. This will give us time to take care of those things that I feel we'll have no energy for once we are in.

Jak has been wonderful through this whole transition. He is showing a bit more of his temper at times, and I'm sure it's a combination of age (18mos already!) and all of the newness happening, but overall he's been very good. For having hardly ever leaving him back in MD to him being away from us quite a bit these last two weeks, he's adjusted pretty well. I hope he continues to be flexible as we enter into this last week of transition with moving. Then it'll be smooth sailing for a few weeks until his little brother decides to make his grande entrance.

I have been slacking at taking pictures lately because my camera's batteries are dead and I have no idea where the other ones are. I'm also too lazy to go and buy some more when I know I have a ton somewhere around here. I will *try* to be better about posting pictures of us for you all to see. For now, though, we all look the same. :)

I'll update more soon!

30

2008-04-08T21:58:00.002-04:00

Well, I am officially a "30-something". Today marked 30 years of Kelly Joan (Dennis) Knapp!

I feel older but I'm OK with that. Before today, I thought that I didn't feel like I thought I'd feel when I turned 30. To me, 30 was when people had it 'all together', along with 3 kids, a mini-van and yearly vacations, not to mention a huge chunk of money in a nice little savings account.

Well, we're working on the 3 kids part, and the mini-van part, but now with a new house, I doubt that we'll be doing the yearly vacation thing and the huge chunk of money tucked away for a rainy day is just a dream. And, I am wise enough to know, being 30 and all, that no one ever has it 'all together'.

Since my big day has come and gone, I can write and say that it's not so bad to be 30 after all. It's just another day, but I do feel a bit older, a bit wiser and a ton more blessed to be given the opportunity to live this life God has called me to.

Here's to the next 30 years!

Christ Is Risen, Indeed!

2008-03-23T22:33:00.003-04:00

Today was Easter Sunday, 2008. And an unconventional one at that!

Our festivities were cancelled because of rampant sickness in my family. I have 4 siblings and one member of each family except one was sick. What are the odds?!

So, we went to church last night and stayed home today. That was weird in and of itself, not going to church on a bright Easter Sunday morning.

Jak didn't even get to wear his sweet little seersucker suit today! I'll have to take a picture of him and post it some other day.

The one normal part of our day was Jak finding his Easter basket underneath Mom's kitchen table. He gently crawled under and grabbed it and brought it out to look at its contents. Then he played with his new Tonka and Matchbox cars throughout the day. Very cute.

I'm thankful that even though it was an "abnormal" Easter for us, the wonderful fact remains that Jesus died for me and for you so that we might live forever, with Him. How awesome is His love for us. Happy Easter!

Spring Fever in a Bad Way

2008-03-23T21:58:00.003-04:00

It's been years since I've been sick. Years. I'd like it to be a bunch more before it happens again.

I was excited about my haircut on Tuesday until I woke that morning. I could feel the sickness coming along and hoped that it wasn't going to be too bad. Little did I know...

I had the flu this week. It was terrible. I don't think I've ever been so sick in my life. I know it was bound to happen with all the running I've been doing, but still, I didn't expect it to be soo bad.

I prayed that Jeff, Jak and Mom wouldn't get it and so far, they haven't. Mom was going between me and my sister all week, taking care of both of us since we had the same thing. Now, my niece and brother have it, yuck.

I still sound awful but at least I feel OK. If I had to get sick, I'm glad it was now and not last week while moving or next week while cleaing and painting the new house. This was terrible!

Prayer Requests

2008-03-19T20:24:00.002-04:00

I still long to write about the move but I have no strength.

Until then, please pray:

-that my flu goes away quickly
It is kicking my butt. I'm not sure I've ever been so sick in my life. Thankfully Jeff, Jak and Mom are clear of it, so far.

-that my family stays healthy as we continue to transition

-that I would get some good sleep.

Thank you so much.

Moving Day

2008-03-14T21:34:00.002-04:00

We have arrived. Ahh. We are completely exhausted but feel good that the first leg of the move is over. I'll write more soon.

Last Days

2008-03-12T09:32:00.003-04:00

Well, this week has been crazy. Here's how it started:

We went to Bay Area one last time to say goodbye to our church friends, but didn't see too many people. That was OK, it was still good to go. One of the things that I love about BACC is the worship. Marshall Drake is the leader and really allows the Spirit to take lead as he leads us in song. Jeff and I love it.

As we were singing, I thought of how much I'd miss this part of BACC. Wouldn't you know, as soon as we were done, the pastor came up and announced that the Drake's were moving back to their hometown in California! Ha! Guess I wouldn't be missing out on much!

After that, we dropped off our friend Jennifer at the train station. She was here for about 4 days, and was a tremendous help around here. Jak gained a new friend and nanny :), and we all got a ton done around here with packing and sorting. Jen is also moving to CA with the family she nanny's for, so we aren't sure when we'll see her next.

On to the Knapp's for family dinner on Sunday night. JoAnn made Jeff and I our favorite things and it was delicious. She even made Jeff a strawberry rhubarb pie, complete with vanilla ice cream. It's his favorite.

Monday we had our prenatal appointment with Evelyn. It was the last time we'd see her, too, so we brought her some pretty flowers and made her cry. I cried a bit too. I really love her, she is just so special. She said as many families as she cares for, there are always a few who stick out and stay close to her heart. We are one of them. We share her love for the Lord and babies of course, and she is just so sad to see us go. I promised up-to-date information on baby #2 as well as normal life stuff so that she could keep up. We'll miss her greatly.

Monday didn't come without hitches, though. Jeff woke and could hardly move, he had a muscle spasm and it was bad. I had never seen him like this. All I could think of was "how are we going to pack the truck on Thursday??" He could barely bend. Add to that that we had to go to the hospital for an echo and sonogram for the baby and it became a week from you know where. We didn't have time for all of this extra stuff!

Tuesday came and after a couple of hot baths, Jeff's back was doing better. He says it's still sore and stiff but he can at least lift and bend. Thank God! And our tests with the baby went well. Evelyn detected an arrhythmia on Monday and wanted to take precaution so we had to follow up at the hospital Tuesday. We got to see the baby again, and he is head down which makes me very happy! All of his movements and practice breathing patterns looked good, and there was a normal amount of fluid as well. I was hooked up to the machine for about 30 minutes as they monitored his heartbeat. He never had a missed or fast beat, so they said he was perfectly healthy. Sometimes the arrhthmia can be caused by eating or drinking something with caffiene in it, or a cold or virus, etc., and it's nothing to worry about as long as it doesn't continue. This was the first time it showed up and it was gone the following day, so we're all set. Phew! I was beginning to wonder what would happen with the moving plans should I have to have stayed in the hospital or something.

Now that all of that extra stress is over with, we are gearing up for tomorrow. The truck will be loaded and as the house is emptied, I'll clean it. Then, we head to the Knapp's before we leave for NY on Friday. I can't beleive it's already here. These months have flown by and as I look back on the years spent praying that we could go back to "where we belong" as Jeff puts it, I am amazed at how God has put it all together.

And, to top it all off for the week, JoAnn arranged to take off for 3 days to watch Jak at her house! What a gift!!!! It's so nice to not have to worry about schedules and such while trying to get things done. This was a lifesaver for us, especially with having to go to Baltimore and Jeff not knowing how his back would be. Thank you so much Grandma Knapp! I'm sure Jak is loving the extra special attention. :)

So, that's where we're at right now. A busy week about to get busier. Then we'll have a few weeks of down time before we get into our house, and we'll be back at it again: loading and unloading the truck, painting, cleaning, decorating, etc. Then a few more weeks of down time before baby arrives. Crazy!

But through it all, one thing remains: God is so good to us!

Maryland

2008-03-03T22:21:00.005-05:00

Things I will miss about living in the "Old Line State":

These are in no particular order, and are just some of the things off the top of my head. This is an incomplete list, but fun just the same!

Downtown Annapolis

Belle

cool stores and eateries

crab cakes from Timbuktu

being close to DC even though we didn't get there often

water

my awesome kitchen

watching Jak play with his first friend, Abigayle

my soaking tub

warmer weather

springtime beauty

Evelyn, our wonderful midwife

living in a teeny-tiny town (it's kinda nice, actually)

Things I won't miss so much:

warmer weather (translation: HOT weather once May hits)

lack of snow

crazy drivers

congestion no matter where you go

never knowing where I am if I venture out too far

taking at least 25 minutes to get anywhere worthwile (worthwile to me)

not having babysitters

being able to afford only one car (freedom is calling my name!!)

wierd sayings and slight accents associated only to Marylanders

being a Bills fan in Ravens territory

not being able to catch a Sabres game--ever!

strange insects

driving back and forth to Buffalo every 3 months or so to stay connected

At A Loss for Words

2008-03-03T21:50:00.005-05:00

I can't think of enough words to describe how I am feeling these days. I don't know that there is even a word in the English language that can possibly convey the way I feel.

God has completely wowed us once again. I have to spend some more time thinking about it but for right now, I could safely say that I have never been so wowed in my life. That's saying a lot, because I've seen Him work and move and have been amazed and stunned at various points in my life. But, this time, there's something different. I can't quite place my finger on it just yet, but soon I'll be able to. I can't wait to have some time to write about it.

Jeff was offered a job today, as a result of an interview he had last Thursday. We knew that this opportunity was a gift from God; this interview just fell into his lap. We trusted that no matter what, things would turn out fine. We weren't sure how it'd all take place, but we knew that something bigger was at work than just us.

But now, having seen how it's all played out has just completely put us in awe!

We have certainly been on a journey here in Maryland. The past two years here have been long and tough. I can't say we've been completely faithful, completely trusting and completely patient during the journey. We haven't. But even though we have failed miserably at times, our God still loves us and is faithful through it all.

He amazes me. It's utterly indescribable.

Prayer Requests

2008-02-25T22:55:00.003-05:00

Before I head to bed I thought I'd write a quick post asking for specific prayer requests. This is a busy time for us as a family, as we prepare to move back to Buffalo. But, it's also a time when God is calling us to be nearer to Him.

In the midst of the hustle and bustle of packing and cleaning up, He is waiting for us to sit and be with Him. To hear Him. To ask Him. To praise Him. To love Him.

It's easy to push that still, small voice aside when you have a list of tasks to complete. I struggle with that a lot. I like lists. I like to check things off my lists. I love to feel productive. But right now, there is much to process. There are many lessons to reflect back on that being in Maryland have taught us. There is a lot to praise for. There is a lot to pray for. I don't want to be too busy these next few weeks to miss what the Lord is saying to me. His Words and Spirit are far too precious than a few measly tasks checked off of some list.

So, please pray for us.

Pray for me:
to have a Mary heart
to be patient with my husband
to enjoy my son as my only son for a little while longer
to drink more water and do more yoga so I can be stretchy
for a continued healthy, low-key pregnancy
for comfortable, deep sleep
for strength of mind as we transition locations, and size of family
for strength of mind and body as I prepare for childbirth
for daily time with my Saviour

Pray for Jeff:
(these requests are from me alone, so I'm going to keep them pretty superficial. I don't want to invade his privacy by posting about his needs on our blog without his permission)
to be satisfied with school
for his interview on Thursday around 3ish
for his transition from Daddy of one son to Daddy of two
for physical and mental strength and vitality during our move
for daily time with his Saviour

Pray for Jak:
to not catch anything before/during/after our trip to Buffalo this weekend
to endure the car ride there and back as patiently as a 15mo old can

Pray for our family:
for safety on the ride to and from Buffalo this week (supposed to be a lot of snowfall)
for health now and throughout the move
for our many transitions
for patience for all of us (we tend to get short with one another when the list of tasks is long and we're low on sleep, quiet time or couple time)

Wow. I only intended to write a few requests. These will hold us over for some time! Thank You for your prayers.

"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear." ~Isaiah 59:1

The 3rd Trimester Begins

2008-02-25T22:18:00.004-05:00

I had my prental appointment today, and all is well.

I'm measuring 28 weeks, so am slowing down since last month I was measuring two weeks ahead. We'll see where I am in another two weeks at my next visit. I can't believe I am starting the two week visits already! Where did the time go?

I have gained a total of 8 pounds, which is considerably less than this point during my pregnancy with Jak.

My bp was 92 over 60--how low can you go?

Baby's hearbeat was about 138 today.

Baby and Mom are doing well. John is moving all over and we're hoping that he'll be moving his little head downward in the next few weeks. I have a feeling he will since I will be quite active packing up the entire house and moving it into our new one.

My appetite (and heartburn!) is increasing, sleep is decreasing, and my hips are expanding. Oh, the joys of pregnancy! ;)

I'm looking forward to getting this move on, so that I can settle in and nest. I feel pretty unsettled right now as far as housing and packing go, and am having a hard time visualizing the rest of my pregnancy and impending birth. I find that this time around, at least for right now, I'm anxious about how things will go. This is odd for me since I fully believe in my body's power and capability to birth naturally. I know this feeling of uncertainty will wane once I am settled but for now, I don't like it.

You're From Buffalo if:

2008-02-23T20:04:00.003-05:00

Here is a forward I received and I thought it painted quite an accurate picture on what it's like to hail from the land of Buffalo:

Those of you who are living out of town, you've said to your friends....

"Back home, you could get a case of Labatts for twelve bucks!"
"Back home, you could get a 30 pack of Genny for nine bucks!"
(OK I would NEVER say this!)
"Back home, this house would go for only 80K!"
"Back home, you could get a large cheese and pepperoni pizza for seven bucks!"
"Back home, the bars close at 4:00 AM!"
"You call this snow?"
"You call this cold?"
"You call this a supermarket?"
"You call these wings?"
"You call this pizza?"

You know you're from Buffalo if....

You know that "uppers" and "lowers" aren't drugs.
You don't let a blinding snowstorm stop you from driving 70 MPH down the Thruway during rush hour.
You believe snow on Halloween is good because its bound to warm up in November (Mom's will say you need the first freeze for Indian Summer).
You don't put away the winter clothes, they stay in the front closet year round.
You've fallen asleep waiting for the light to change at the intersection of
Niagara Falls Boulevard and Sheridan Drive.
You know that cheering for the Miami Dolphins is sac religious. (Absolutely!)
You hate the Dallas Cowboys.
You refer to Niagara Falls as "the Falls".
You've dined at "The Como " in "The Falls".
You watch the Bill's on TV with the sound turned down, and the radio turned to the game, on 97 Rock (Formally WBEN 930). (This is so true.)
You've heard Van Miller call a Bill's game.
You remember Rich stadium.
You've watched Rocket ship 7 or Commander Tom.
(OK, these I don't remember)
You remember Meet the Millers.
You Remember Dialing For Dollars.
You remember Barry's Cat's Pajamas with Barry Lillis.
You still can't say Interstate instead of Thruway when you relocate to another state.

You've been around Buffalo a long time if you've ever called...
Bon-Ton - "AM&A's"
Kaufmanns - "Hengerer's" or "Sibley's"
Quality Markets - "Bells"
Jubilee - "Super Duper"
You remember Twin Fair.
You remember Irv, Rick, Clip, and Tom.
You remember Clint Buehlman, Danny Neavreth.
You've been to Fantasy Island , Crystal Beach, and Darien Lake.

Half of your friends moved to Charlotte, North Carolina and the other half went to Florida.
You use the word "the" before the numbers of expressways, like "The 90", "The 400" and so on.
You save Canadian coins to use at tollbooths and parking meters.

You've ever feasted on these treats:
-real chicken wings (they're called "wings" not "Buffalo wings") and we serve them with real bleu cheese dressing, carrots & celery.
-Subs!! not heroes or hoagys, (we are known nationwide for making and eating the biggest subs anywhere!)
-real beef on weck & real horseradish (Arby's is chainfood garbage)
-authentic & genuine pizza made from real pizzerias (Pizza Hut, Dominos, & Little Caesars is chain food slop not even fit for dogs!)?
-Ted's charcoal broiled hot dogs, Niagara Street clams, sponge candy, fried bologna, Bison French Onion Chip Dip, limburger cheese, deep fried smelt, Anderson's custard, Perry's Ice Cream, rhubarb, pierogis, liverwurst, headcheese, Weber's horseradish mustard, St Joseph's day bread, Miller's Horseradish! and washed it down with Genessee Cream Ale, in a 16 ounce bottle ("'da pounder"), loganberry, Vernor's, OV, fresh apple cider, Labatt's Blue, Visniak or Black Rock pop
Don't forget Friday night fish-fry 52 weeks a year...not just Lent!

You slam on the brakes and slow to a crawl whenever you see the "Village of Kenmore" sign.
You watched Canadian television, just so you could see U.S. shows a day or two earlier than they would appear in the States.
You can make the coins land perfectly in the toll basket at 20 MPH or higher.
You think it's quite acceptable to take a day off work on Dyngus Day, St. Joseph 's Day, St. Patrick's Day, St. Stanislaus Day, Ash Wednesday, the Monday after a Bills victory.
You use your garage as the living room during the summer, putting a big screen over where the overhead door would be.
You still go to all the neighborhood and ethnic festivals, even though they're really all the same.
You know the lyrics to .... "You Know We're Gonna' Win That Cup", The Bills "Shout" song, any song by Rush, Kim Mitchell or Honeymoon Suite, "Marineland" and "Game Farm" jingle, "Danny Moves My Fannie In The Morning" jingle, "Put a Little Money In the Metro Bus" jingle, "Talkin' Proud", The Crystal Beach "pay one price" jingle, The Tops "Tops never stops saving you more!" jingle, The Sattlers "998 Broadway" jingle--even if you weren't alive when they were still open.
You remember the voice of the Sabres; Ted Darling.
You've attended a concert at Artpark or Melody Fair.
You've nearly gotten into fights over topics like.... Malecki vs. Sahlen vs Wardynski vs. Shelly vs. Redlinski vs Zwiegels, Anchor Bar vs. Duff's, Bocce Club vs. Leonardi's, Tops vs.. Wegmans.
You go to Niagara Falls for the outlet shopping and the Italian food, not the scenery.
You spend hours planning drives to avoid toll booths.
You've ever sarcastically said "Fun? Wow!"
One of your friends claims to have known Ani DiFranco, a Goo Goo Doll or Baby Joe Mesi from high school.
You have more than one shovel in your garage.
Your car has more rust than exposed paint. (Not anymore)
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on "31" or on "the Ridge" (in Niagara and Orleans Counties).
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You drive to Lockport for a Reids dog with onions & sauce and a side of rings
You use a down comforter in the summer.
A day at the beach is at Beaver Island or Olcott.
You've been on a first date at the drive-in movies, or a bowling ally.
You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
You know about the "Canadian Ballet".
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. (Yep!)
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas. (YOU MEAN It's NOT?????)
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, construction.
You've ever attended an event at "The Aud".
You ever watched a Buffalo Braves game.
You remember the Sabres' "French Connection".
You understand the term "lake effect snow".
It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

Pretty long, but you get the point. Lots to say about Buffalonians. Some good, some bad, some weird, but you know, if you're from there, you just can't get enough of it.

Boys Will Be Boys

2008-02-21T08:40:00.006-05:00

When Jak was an infant and we first moved into our house here in Queenstown, I lovingly set up the nursery for him to enjoy. It was painted by Daddy and then I loaded up the dresser, hung things on the walls, and filled up the shelves with books, baby mementos and pictures.

I had visions of a happy baby smiling up at his mobile, cooing the afternoon away while rocking with Mommy, and singing songs to him while changing his diaper or clothes. The crib and its' bedding looked beautiful and I must admit, I loved everything about how the nursery looked and the warmth and whimsicalness it conveyed.

Fast forward a few short months and the mobile is gone, the custom-made bumper pads I selected so carefully are packed away (they were getting crushed as Jak stepped on them daily), the crib rails have teeth marks and chipped paint on them, the decor is off the walls lest some little hands get to it during naptime, and any sense of 'baby' is now replaced by the very active and curious toddler stage.

Here's what we walk into each day after naptime:

One little monkey jumping on the bed!

To add to our post's title today, I want to share another picture of baby Jak's very first boo-boo. :( While out on a walk a few days ago, Jak tripped over his feet and fell hands and face first onto the pavement. It wasn't a hard fall but more scary than anything since he's usually pretty steady. He just gets so excited that he walks too fast for his little feet to carry him! I picked him up and brushed him off and continued walking since he wasn't hurt. He cried but was fine not a minute later once he saw the neighborhood cat, Smokey.

Later that night, we got him undressed for his bath and low and behold, there was a brush-burn on his knee! Fresh and red on that precious white skin. I felt so bad for my little man! Now I know why he cried (even though we didn't think he was hurt, he was a little bit!).

We took a picture to document for when he breaks a bone or gets tackled or something. We'll show him how tough he is, and was, even at the ripe age of 15 months. ;)

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T17:37:00.002-05:00

The slideshow I made is not working correctly. Please check back soon!

Valentine's Day in the Knapp household was low-key this year. It was more of a family affair than anything, and we were happy as a clam having it that way.

Jak opened his Valentine from Jeff and I in the morning. When Daddy saw this at the store, he just had to have it. I wrapped it up and he's been waiting to play with it ever since. He, meaning Jeff!

As Jak unwrapped his gift, he tore each piece of paper off and handed it to me. He was very methodical about unwrapping. I had a little pile of red wrap sitting next to me after all was said and done, and the boys got to getting the truck out of the packaging. Jak was thrilled with the truck and all of its functions, and he's been playing with it ever since!

Below is a picture of the Valentine's that Jak made for his Grandparents this year. He did fine with the fingerpaint, though you can't quite see the heart made out of his handprints. Nonetheless, they were very well received!

Ground Turkey Soup

2008-02-13T11:11:00.003-05:00

Here is the delicious recipe that we all enjoyed yesterday for lunch. It's perfect on a cold day, and makes a lot. Very hearty & nutritious, too!

2# ground turkey
1/2 c diced onion
5-6 c tomato juice
1c tomatoes (I used canned, diced, but you can certainly use fresh)
1c thin sliced carrots
1c green beans (fresh or frozen)
2 c chopped celery
2 c shredded cabbage
1 c sliced mushrooms
1T worcestershire
1 bay leaf
2t oregano
2 T garlic powder
2t basil

Brown ground turkey and onion together, and then add everything to a large pot. Simmer for 1 hour. Serve with bread and cheese, and enjoy!

(I thinly slice mozzarella cheese and stick it into the soup so it gets halfway melted while I eat it.)

-Receipe originally from Kelly Shannon

Goodbye Yesterday!

2008-02-13T10:35:00.003-05:00

The day started fairly well. I picked up my dear friend, Belle, for a day of shopping and visiting around 10am. She showed me some stores right near my home, and quite frankly, I'm glad I didn't know about them before now. I've saved a lot of money just by being ignorant!

For lunch, we came back to the house to greet Jeff and Jak and a huge, steaming bowl of ground turkey soup. Mmm. After Jak went in for a nap, we plugged in The Nanny Diaries and sat down to enjoy it. Belle and I have many things in common but one of the main things is that we have both been nannies for a good chunk of our lives. What a perfect movie for us to watch together!

Around 4pm, we left to take her back to her car, and it was drizzling a bit of freezing rain. No big deal. We're from Buffalo. (This statement has become our motto when navigating across MD in the winter. People freak here when it rains/snows/or any other type of precipitation happens. We don't. We're from Buffalo.) We dropped her off at her car but before we did, we noticed that one of the main bridges to get back to Annapolis was closed. Uh oh.

We started towards Annapolis in a round-about way, with Belle following beind as to not get lost. This was going to work out great since we needed to run to Whole Foods and we could make sure she found her way home safely.

Fast forward about 2 hours later. 2 hours, during dinnertime, with a man who is about to wet his pants, a hungry toddler in the backseat and no diaper bag, pacifier, teddies, cereal bars, even candy for goodness sake, nothing to pacify him, and a mom who's nerves were completely shot.

At this point, we've avoided both a front and a rear end fender-bender, and we have only driven about 5 miles from when we dropped Belle to her car. Traffic was stopped on all major roads going into Annapolis and there was no way around it unless you wanted to swim. Rush hour + freezing rain=ain't nobody goin' anywhere.

Thankfully, Jeff had the discernment to skip our grocery shop, and turn around while we were still able to catch our bridge--which wasn't closed--so that we could get back home before 9pm. Belle was near Annapolis and she knew how to get home from that point, so we did a U and headed home. Jak was long-gone by this point; not even another episode of Praise Baby in the dvd player would work. About 37 rounds of singing "You Are My Sunshine" later, we ended up at Safeway to grab a pizza and fed him 2 jars of baby food while we sped him around in the cart grabbing stuff here and there. By 8pm we were home, with a freshly bathed Jak asleep in his bed.

Pizza. American Idol. Ice cream for good measure. Bedtime.

Wait! I'm not done yet!

After hearing a few noises while trying to fall asleep, we figured it was just something outside. As soon as sleep came, CRASH! A box in our bedroom fell over and delirious as we were, we sprung up and lept towards Jak's room as if to save him, thinking there was a burglar in the house. Once realizing what the crash actually was (J must've kicked it over during sleep since it was placed at the foot of our bed), we got up to clean it up and then finally, finally, fell asleep for the night after taking lots of long breaths to relax.

What a day.